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Getting tired of online dating?

Love forever. Not just tonight.
Love forever. Not just tonight.
Photo by Matt Cardy/Getty Images

Dating can be tiring and exasperating, to say the least. To those taking full advantage of the online medium, it is not unreasonable to be going on several dates in one week. After going on all these dates, it is also not unreasonable to grow jaded, become tired, and pessimistic regarding the likelihood of finding a true match.

First of all, it is easy to start questioning one’s expectations and standards. After going out with many different people and realizing that while some people are almost right, no one seems to be exactly right. At this point, doubts can begin to flood: “am I being too picky?” “am I expecting something unreasonable?” “maybe this is what love is and movies have confused my grasp of reality?”

An untold secret, or rather, evaded truth is that pickiness is important. This usually goes unmentioned since many times, people will be picky about the wrong things. However, while coming in with too specific of demands may be harmful to any budding relationship, looking for a genuine, unique connection actually requires pickiness. Forge on!

So how does one continue to enjoy dates and avoid the feeling of having gone on “too many?” It would be important to remember that dates are fun. They are nights out after a difficult day or week at work. Dates are not another job; by choosing activities or restaurants that one hasn't yet gotten around to, the date is being set for success. In other words, it should initially be the fun-factor and not marriage potential that serves as the gauge of a night out. Use dates as an opportunity to not only get to know another person, but to get to know the city, the food, and the sites around. Go on walks, pretend to be a tourist, grab drinks with a view. It is actually quite simple: choose what is enjoyable and enjoy!

There are several benefits to treating dates as a fun endeavor. First of all, if an individual anticipates the date as a fun activity to which they are looking forward, they will be more relaxed and happy on the date. This will inevitably exude a more pleasant attitude, and the individuals involved are more likely to be themselves. Secondly, this attitude will ensure an interactive dialogue as opposed to the dreaded job-interview date. If the optimistic dater is coming to have a good time, and not on a crusade or mission, the person they are with will return the amicability. Conversation is generally more fun than being hounded with a Q&A session. In both cases, there will be much more accurate “test results” from the date if both individuals feel welcome, at ease, and willing to share. Lastly, going on many dates and learning to enjoy them is great practice. This practice will help the hopeful dater be better at the points mentioned above. It will also help them refine what they are looking for. By going on enough dates and maintaining a positive attitude, one will be able to cultivate this attitude and eventually turn them into the best date in town.

Time and time again we make the mistake of wanting to be done with dating. Dating is not the part we skip over as quickly as possible in order to “begin living.” While dating we are living. So it is best to enjoy it. Ultimately, doing so will nourish a better state of mind to make sound, mature, and intuitive decisions when meeting new people.

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