Breaking up is one of the most uncomfortable situations that any person will go through. The end of a relationship can leave you shell-shocked. Some people deal with a break up by completely disengaging from the person. They delete photo albums, throwaway or return gifts, delete certain songs on their iPod, and cut off all modes of communication. Some of us find that the easiest to get through a break up is to rip the chapter right out of their autobiography. Under that method, finding someone new to begin the love cycle with all over again is a welcomed opportunity.
For others, they need an explanation. They need to know why things had to end and what changes brought about the realization. Having the conversation of "why didn't we work out?" adds to the awkwardness of the exit. Earlier this year, I wrote an article about why some break ups are harder than others. Now, I've come to believe that maybe some of the pain we experience due to break ups is self-inflicted.
Closure is something that people think will ease the blow of rejection. When you've reached the point of maturity, you treat every failed relationship as a teaching lesson. It's like a year-end evaluation; if you know what your weaknesses were, you know exactly what to improve on in the future. Additionally, having closure can speed up the process of moving on. If the reason why you're breaking up is superficial, as in maybe you both got too busy or the relationship is long distance, returning to the single life won't be cumbersome. However, if your relationship ended because something of importance changed (compatibility, attraction, chemistry, values), the process of getting your ex out of your system could take weeks, months, maybe even a year.
What people fail to understand is that nobody's entitled to getting that closure. When someone chooses to end the relationship, it's common decency to give a legitimate reason. But he or she doesn't owe that to you. Wanting closure is often one-sided too. It's typically a conversation where one person is asking all of the questions expecting specific responses. The longer you talk, the more in-depth the questions will become. In a short, no matter how honest and forthcoming your ex is, his or her explanations for why the relationship is a wrap won't please you. The conversation isn't going to do anything for your journey to move forward either. If anything, the responses could trigger a regression or no movement at all.
Yes, ideally, we all want to know why the person we're enamored with no longer wants us in the same way. It's a tough pill to swallow to know that eventually your ex is going to have a special song, favorite restaurant, and new pet name with someone else. It's natural to want to keep the great moments fresh in your mind as points of reference for your happiness at a particular time in your life. Although, romanticizing what used to be will keep you stuck in a place of regret and confusion longer than you need to be.
There's no fool-proof way to get over your ex and the relationship ending. At some point, you 2 were in love and things were going great. Things fizzled and now you may wish you'd never met at all. That being said, closure on a relationship's end has to be done from the inside out. Because the fact is when you hang on so tightly to the idea of "us", you'll likely be disappointed by the answer to the question of why not us?