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Getting back together

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Breakups happen. Makeups happen (sometimes).

Ask yourself: Are you actually wanting to get back together with your ex for the right reasons, or, is it just out of familiarity and conformability?
Habits are extremely hard to break, especially when the temptation is still there and it is so available to you to pick back up again.

Making the decision to work on getting back together with someone takes a lot of thought and effort. Not just from one side, but both parties have to be equal in the decision. Forcing someone or convincing someone to do so does not work and will ultimately lead to failure. Once things have separated the two of you, fixing/mending what was wrong or moving past that will take a lot of compromising, talking, understanding and work.

Someone, or both of you, were at a point to where not being together ever again was something you had to deal with. Retracting that and welcoming positive thoughts in about each other again is nice, but you have to be sure it’s not just temptation and the norm you’re used to clouding your vision. This tends to happen and may be why so many couples break up and get back together so often. It’s unhealthy.

There are many guidebooks and ways to getting back together with your ex, but you two know each other best. The two of you know how the other operates, and what the best solution is for the two of you to work things out among each other. Patience is definitely needed. Rushing things back will only result in the same outcome – breaking up again. Moving too fast back into the same routine and mess you left won’t do either of you any good. It will just result in heartbreak all over again. Slow is better in this case.

Allow yourselves to be completely honest and open with each other. What have you got to lose? Even if lying wasn’t a contributing factor in why you broke up, things are different now, and, you both had anger towards each other because a breakup happened, and it got that bad between you two. Be open about what you’ve felt in the time leading up until this point, what changed your mind about wanting to be without them versus being with them, and what you see happening in the future, what you want, what you don’t want, etc. Share it all. If in the end you both want different things, then you know it isn’t right to try getting back together because in the end it’ll all boil down to your wants and needs not matching up with each other.

Many say do not change for anyone but yourself. This is true. Sometimes people can change how you are, how you see the world, etc. but if someone is making you change, and you have no interest in doing so, then it’s not necessarily good. Change for you, and only you. If it doesn’t make you happy, then that’s your answer. Only you know what’s best for yourself. Make yourself the first priority to the relationship. Sometimes the two get intertwined, blended and confused and that just leads to problems.

When working on changing what was wrong before in your relationship, you have to take an inner look at how you acted, how you responded, how things went down on your end, in your perspective. You can’t make your significant other change, although you can be open in talking about how their behavior made you feel, but that’s just a part of the many steps in the process of healing and coming back from what you went through as a couple. There are so many layers to working your way back and it will be a struggle. You both might feel impatient to want to jump back into things and how they used to be, but if you really want something bad enough, you’ll have to take things slow and be patient with them. Sometimes it’s as if you’re starting all over from the beginning and going through the dating process again to get to where everything falls together just right for the two of you.

Second chances are few and far between, so when they come around, especially with the ones you love, do not risk it, rush it, or take it for granted. You have three choices in this life: give up, give in, or give it all you’ve got. Which choice will you make?

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