AP PHOTO/Evan Agostini
Everyday stress in L.A. is constantly compounded by airborne particulates, accidental eye contact with hypnotists, and exposure to sonic pollution emanating from the nearby species of tabloid fodder.
What better way, then, to expel ordinary and extraordinary stressors than by gleefully observing our native headliner population in captivity as they engage in their annual (social) life-threatening rite of passage?
Available only to secret circles of this fascinating species, this year’s Metropolitan Costume Institute Gala on May 3rd offered just the opportunity for us to enter—okay, to hurriedly look up pictures after the fact on Style.com—the warrens of space and time and emerge in the irony-ridden, healing atmosphere of envy and schadenfreude.
From Blake Lively’s strapless blue Marchesa dress with peacock draping to Gisele’s fringed Alexander Wang peek-a-boo cocktail number, pin-thin celebs and their pin-thin Blahniks were in ample supply to showcase their creative strokework, where even a whiff of laziness could lead to insulting accusations of looking like—gasp!—a real woman.
After all, with media moguls Oprah and Anna Wintour as MCs, this wasn’t the best event for a lady to show her warts (or the extra two pounds she gained from a recent vacay).
Themed “American Woman,” the Met exhibition explores the national identity of the American woman, from the Gibson girl to the heiress, the WWI patriot to the first starry-eyed bovines to make it as weather girls.
Because the display depicts time capsules from estrogen’s history—bias-cut Vionnet for the 1930’s section, and film footage revealing the emancipation of women in the WWI era, for instance—many attendees, in keeping with the theme, sought to bio-charge their body’s energy field with the American icon creative torch.
Let the beautification of these life-size action figures inspire your own prettifying ritual, whether you’re graduating from high school, just got engaged, or placed in the regional knitting finals.
Gleaned from the flubs and fabulosity of the rich and famous at the gala, here’s your guide to working your face like it’s never been worked before. Going to lengths of nine yards and more to assemble a striking, movie screen-ready profile, these tips will put you, your friends, and your family pet in a state of happylaxation.
AP PHOTO/Evan Agostini
Taylor Swift has the nymphette features and rapturous Rapunzel locks of the fairytale enchantresses she sings about in her true-love-wins-over-all anthems, has sold over 10 million albums, milked the Grammys dry last year despite getting Kanyed, and recently dueled vocal chords with John Mayer in “Half of My Heart.”
Yeah, life as a multi-million dollar franchise is rough.
While Swift lucked out in the genetic lottery, we can harmonize our features swiftly (sorry, couldn’t resist) with the following tricks from Covergirl makeup artist, Pat Macgrath:
1. Dab on a medium coverage foundation like Clinique Superfit Makeup ($21, Sephora) and use a foundation brush to distribute it evenly over your complexion. Set with translucent powder—like MAKE UP FOR EVER HD Microfinish Powder ($30, Sephora)—so you look made up but at least a few steps below clown.
2. Apply a taupe shadow from lash line to crease, then swipe a coppery gold on the crease.
3. Paint on a cat eye with a liquid liner like Covergirl LineExact Liquid Liner in Very Black ($6.39, CVS). Make sure to extend the line out almost to the end of your eyebrows. Nine out of ten eyelashes agree that the optical illusion of fuller eye fur created by flicking your liner up is an incredibly alluring and highly attractive trait.
Under all that Prada, they too wear tummy-sucking granny panties, sometimes don’t fit into their couture evening gowns without sucking and tucking, and can attribute their healthy glow to something other than their heavenly origins.
A trained ballerina with proportions Barbie would be jealous of, Zoe Saldana is not one of those stars.
However, as an expert on staying smooth, matte, and put-together on the red carpet, she can certainly teach us how to bedazzle our neck-up features. Here’s how NARS makeup artist Vera Steimberg concocted Saldana’s steamy eyes and nude lips:
1. Prime eyes with NARS PRO-PRIME Smudge Proof Eyeshadow Base ($24, Sephora), then blend Multiple Tint in Cadaqués and Turks & Caicos ($38 each, NARS.com), a bright fuchsia and bright orange, respectively, and apply the shade to your crease.
2. Follow with Single Eyeshadow in D. Gorgeous ($23, NARS.com), a dusty lilac, in your crease, blending outward into a winged eye.
3. Line your eyes with Soft Touch Shadow Pencil in Aigle Noir ($24, NARS.com), a black with gold shimmer.
4. Finish with Orgasm Illuminator ($29, NARS.com), a coral pink, on the apples of your cheeks, blending toward your temples. Slick Pure Sheer SPF Lip Treatment in Lara ($25, NARS.com), a pastel pink, on your kisser.
With the invention of Spanx, many a woman has been able walk through high school reunions and construction zones with a self-assured smile that nothing will jiggle or slip.
A lesser-known fact, however, is that Spanx was originally based on Blake Lively's body. With a toned, lithe physique made of a secret built-in network of Nutrisystem bars, Blake Lively is the proud owner of perennially sexy arms, legs, and a décolletage that beam for the flash bulbs.
Here’s how to get your glow on with strategically applied light-catching war paint, as swathed on by NARS makeup artist Elaine Offers:
1. Dab on NARS Skin Smoothing Face Prep ($30, Sephora.com), then coat your lids with PRO-PRIME Smudge Proof Eyeshadow Base ($24, Sephora). Blend Soft Touch Shadow Pencil in Goddess ($24, NARS.com), a glistening pink champagne, over the entire eye.
2. Swirl The Multiple in Beverly Hills ($38, NARS.com), a bright red, onto cheeks.
3. For Lively’s subdued pink pout, apply Lipstick in Love Devotion ($24, NARS.com), a sheer guava.
AP PHOTO/Peter Kramer
With guest appearances in her life from a whimsically soaring, ponytailed woodland elf toting arrows and a straightening iron to a 1,000 year old sadistic vampire sheriff, Kate Bosworth has had her fair share of crushes on fake guys.
While her heart—and a couple of knickers—may lie in the world of sci fi, she frequently bastes her veteran chops on the red carpet with enamored joie de vivre.
Here’s what makeup pro Kate Lee did on Bosworth to give her a ‘30s silent film stunner magnetism:
1. Sweep Chanel Powder Blush in Imprevu ($42, saksfifthavenue.com), a sheer bronze, on cheekbones and the bridge of the nose to contour your features.
2. Jolie your pout with Rouge Coco in Rose Comete ($30, shop.nordstrom.com), a soft, volume-boosting blue-pink that does for your facial signature what a gin and tonic does for your tired soul: amplify the good times.
Celebrate seasoned muliebrity and ample use of moleskin in the slideshow below of fantastic fashion feats and appetizing facial artwork.
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