Getting Around It
As we move from relationship to relationship we have a tendency to take the past mess into the new and prosperous. In today’s world of being successful and finding your purposes in life most of us want some type of companionship. This is natural because this is how we were created. We were not created to live in solitary confinement; we were all created to fellowship with others. However it is those others who tell us “get over it” without fully understanding what that means. By telling someone “get over that mess” does not mean that is what happens. In actually, what happens is our feelings of distress lay dormant until the next relationship. Why? The problem was never resolved it was just shifted somewhere inside us. When we get over something it has a habit of rearing his ugly head at the most inopportune time, causing stress's in the new relationship. Therefore because it was never settled in the past it causes even more stress in the present situation.
So you ask, what is the difference of getting over something verses getting around something? Learning to get around something, means making time to problem solve. When there is conflict in our relationship it causes us to be a little less open in the next. If we learn to solve our issues and make comfort with them they won’t be a constant thorn in our side. When we get around a problem, we have to figure out ways to accept it and be comfortable with our decision and feel okay with talking about it. To truly learn from our past we have to accept our past as experiences and guidance to a better road ahead. By not looking at past situations as a mistake, we won’t take that little bit of hurt and wrap it up to never be victimized again. Getting around something causes for conflict resolution and problem solving tactics. When we solve a problem we feel more empowered. It gives us strength to handle the next situation and wisdom to not repeat the past. Learning to get around the past whether it is a divorce, a dead beat parent, an abusive situation, being cheated on, or heart broken, it allows us to be more open-minded to the future and positive about the present.
"Getting over it" means just that, never really having a conversation with you about self. Never moving on, just moving, never having your real say in a matter, just having a word. Getting around it makes you able to look back and see what you accomplished from the past, without being afraid. Getting around it helps you to find your inner voice and speak up and be heard though sentences and paragraphs. Getting around it allows you to teach not hate.
So how do you get around something? First you have to own your part in it; from there you can accept the hurt or disappointment. Next, talk about it with someone who won’t judge but listen and listen with a sympathetic ear. Then be mad or glad not guilty, but evolved. Take what has happened and file it your memory bank knowing you will need it one day not necessarily for yourself but for a teaching moment for someone else.
In conclusion, just remember this the next time you want to tell someone “You need to get over that Sh_t” think about what have you really just done, have you helped them or just caused them to shelter a part of them that is really the part worth knowing. Try this instead “You have to find a way to get around this, find a way that makes you comfortable and less likely to harbor.”
Getting Around It