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German spying on John Kerry, Hillary Clinton, an outrage

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Reports have surfaced that the German intelligence service (BND) accidentally intercepted cellphone calls involving US Secretary of State John Kerry, and former secretary Hillary Clinton. When German Chancellor Angela Merkel heard about it on the news, she was outraged.

If this happened, no one is more upset about it than me.

Chancellor Merkel

Merkel looked gravely concerned, even going so far as to put down her powdered blatterteig to comment on the alleged incident. "If there is even a smidgenschlaten of corruption, we will do everything in our power to find the people responsible, and bring them to justice."

Details point to a number of phone calls Secretary Kerry made while attempting to negotiate the recent ceasefire between Israel and Hamas. Israel and Hamas were immediately cleared of any wrongdoing as the US State Department took specific steps to exclude these two key players from even simple awareness of the proceedings.

Kerry was initially alarmed by the revelation, but then admitted there my not necessarily have been any spying, as he conducted most of the negotiations in the lobby of his Parisian hotel, on a speakerphone. "When I have to talk on the phone and write at the same time, I usually set the phone down." Kerry tells reporters. "And I took a lot of notes that day."

Back in Washington, President Barack Obama was exceedingly understanding about the whole matter. "These things totally happen, and can do so without any knowledge of the heads of state." said the president. "We're satisfied with the chancellor's semi-apology, and are confident they are doing everything in their power to find out what happened, so it doesn't happen again. Just like we're doing."

Hillary Clinton could not be reached for comment, though her office has released a statement recommending everyone read her book.

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