I was asked if being a lesbian parent was much different from being a straight parent. I must tell you that being a mom of two keeps me on my toes, not because I am gay but because I am a parent. I go to room parent meetings, buy snacks when it’s my turn to be snack mom, get uniforms together, buy cleats, practice baseball, do homework and pray with my children. I am a mother of two boys, a twelve and a five year old.
My oldest son is so headstrong about being independent that we are not allowed to get out of the car when picking him up from school. The other day I was picking him up early for a doctor’s appointment. I was watching him exit the school and witnessed him trip and fall to the ground. Instinctively I was out of the car and on my way to rescue my child as if he were in a building that was on fire. My son had barely touched the ground when he looked at up at me and quite authoritatively pointed to the car. My son was ordering me to get back in the car which I did immediately. My life partner went to pick him up on a different occasion and as he saw her drive up, he waved with a smile. As she reached for her door she saw his smile change to a serious look. It was the same “Stay in the car” look that we have grown accustomed to. His 5 year old brother can roll down the window and yell, “I love you, Brother! I will miss you today” but there is no sin greater than a parent doing that. At his schools open house, we were validated by hearing other parents with the same complaint. One parent said that his daughter text him and tells him exactly where to park and then types in the order to “stay put!” We all laugh it off as if it doesn’t rip our hearts out to see our children pretend not to need us. It is in the quiet moments at home where no friends can see that our children cuddle up to us and tell us their innermost thoughts or concerns that we treasure! Those moments when you hear, “Mom, I need your help” will have to remain in our hearts when we are parked waiting patiently for our children to get in the car and we take on our roles as being simply their drivers.
The other day in a car filled with boys I responded to my son by saying, “Yes, sweetheart.” I was shocked by the immediate silence that ensued. The boys looked at one another. I dared to take a peek at my son in the mirror. His face was red and I could see the steam coming out of his ears. Finally, as if God heard my prayer one his friends said, “Thank goodness, it’s not just my Mom that embarrasses me!” Is there something wrong with the fact that a statement such as that was my saving grace? Boys will be boys, I suppose and Moms will be moms!!
I remember doing the same thing to my parents. At the age of 40 I called my mother yesterday for advice. I remember after hanging up the phone how happy I was that she is here for me! One day, my boys will need to call me and they may even be happy I answer the phone!
So my answer is a resounding NO, it’s not the sexual orientation of the parent that matters. It’s the patience, the memory of your own childhood days, the love and the strong skin that will remind you why you became a parent in the first place. If it bothers you that your child gets embarrassed by your presence just remember it will fade in time. You are raising an independent and strong individual AND you will always be their parent!! (Plus at their wedding, you can share embarrassing pictures of them as paybacks!)
I invite you to share stories of your experiences so that we can have a dialogue. Let’s use this forum to discuss, share and grow!
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