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Gaining a husband, keeping yourself: Maintaining your identity in relationships

Be the same strong woman you've always been
Be the same strong woman you've always been

Your dress was banging, the cake was delicious, and the pictures were well worth the small fortune you paid for them. You had a marvelous wedding, and now you're married. Congratulations! Now that you've added "wife" to your list of badges, it is important that you find a balance. If you're not careful, the "wifing" part of your life may take over and overshadow the many other parts you have worked so hard to create and maintain.

What is it about serious relationships that sometimes makes women lose themselves? Probably the intense longing to want to make it work. As the wives and mothers of families, we are the ones that often get credited (or blamed) for the state of our relationships. This is the reason we often pour more and more of ourselves into them, until what's left is hardly recognizable.

Despite your true feelings, you give-in here, you let go there. You make things easier for Him and better for Them, and slowly but surely, You start to disappear. The You that had an opinion, the You that loved to have fun, the You that was unmistakably happy has been replaced by a self that you never thought you'd face.

In many cases, this happens needlessly. We pressure ourselves into trading in our authenticity for a ring, completely unaware of the fact that we can have both. If you've married a man that wants you to be happy and respects the fact that a woman can exist outside of him,  he'll want you to be true to yourself. If you haven't married that kind of man, a serious discussion needs to be had about the future of the relationship. A woman needs to breathe. That's hard to do when you're smothered by unrealistic and oppressive expectations. 

Women have spent too much time settling into the "seen but not heard" roles of generations past. It's time we let our voices be heard. Don't believe for a second that it's not your place. This isn't about becoming an overbearing, "anything you can do, I can do better" kind of woman. It's about believing that you, in your natural form, are more than enough and most definitely wanted.

Sending beautiful energy your way,

~Nadirah Angail

Got a marriage question? Looking for some advice? That's what I'm here for. Feel free to email me at or leave a comment here. (Don't worry. It can be anonymous.)

All Kansas City Marriage Advice Examiner content ©2010 by Nadirah Angail Habeebullah; reposts permitted with copyright notice and link back to original article. All other rights reserved.


  • annie 5 years ago

    hey great article. so true! i'm a new member of the kc examiners.. diet and fitness. i like ur page :)

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