Today we revisit the age old question: can men and women be friends without any sexual ties or tensions? Essentially, can there ever really be 'friends without benefits'?
MALE POINT OF VIEW
We will look at the male perspective, since men seem to always get a bad rap with this topic. It's the males, they argue, that can't have a co-ed relationship without sexual thoughts or ulterior motives coming into play.
Most people would agree that guys are wired differently than girls when it comes to sex. Guys tend to be more visual, less concerned about relationships and an emotional connection when it comes to sex, and they tend to think about it more frequently, at a younger age than most women do.
The Friend Zone
That being said, if a single, straight male is becoming or has been friends with what he perceives to be an attractive woman, the thought of a sexual encounter with her is very likely to cross his mind. In fact, the more frequently they hang out, the more it will cross his mind. The closer they become as friends, sharing dating and relationship stories over coffee at Ink! or while he watches her change (she thinks nothing of doing this since he's just a guy friend) at her house before they head out to Wash Park, the more this guy will start fantasizing about her.
The guy will keep it cool, although pressure from his friends (who coincidentally are asking him if she's available and why is he still stuck in the friend zone) is mounting. The female will inevitably confirm his friend zone status by saying something to the effect of, "You are such a great friend. I don't know what I'd do without you. You're like a brother to me." Done and done. Shot down.
The guy must decide if he wants to continue carrying on this friendship, hoping that one day he will break out of the friend zone bubble, or just move on and chock it up as a loss.
Comedian Chris Rock, known for his uncensored, candid takes on the differences between men and women, once said, "I mean I got some platonic friends, but they are all by accident. Every platonic friend I got was some woman I was trying to f**k , I made a wrong turn somewhere, and ended up in the friend zone. " There isn't a man out there, who can't relate to that.
Exes Try to Be Friends
Perhaps the story starts with a couple that dated and indeed bumped fuzzies at least once, if not regularly, and after a period of time post-breakup, they decide to be friends, likely at the female's request. The guy is thinking, "Sure why not?...She was good in bed. Maybe one day she'll get drunk and we can make some bad decisions together." If there wasn't a strong friendship before things were sexual, including common interests and mutual respect, the revisited relationship isn't going to work. Let's face it ladies, he's always going to be wondering when you will give in sexually, especially since he already has a visual of your sexual escapades ingrained in his mind.
When FWOB Can Work
Let's be clear, though. There are indeed a few instances where FWOB can work for guys.
Ladies, you are not hot enough for his standards
He had sex with you and it wasn't good, so he has no intentions of doing it again
You dropped him in the friend zone and after much time being there, and learning more about you, he realizes there's no point in trying to cross the border
You dated but never had sex, and he has a girl in his life now, who actually puts out
He is gay (you can be a fruit fly however)
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