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Friends "with benefits"


Friends with benefits is never a good idea. For those of you who would argue, I ask you: who is going to benefit because I am willing to bet it won’t be you.

I know it is easy to think that your friend will finally realize just how amazing you are. But if he has not realized that already, chances are he still won’t realize it once you start fooling around. He will realize that he enjoys fooling around with you, though, as I have yet to meet a guy who does not. However, this is not a foundation on which you can build a relationship.

This is how the scenario will play out:

  • You decide that you are willing to try "friends with benefits" in hopes that this will lead to an actual romantic relationship with your friend.
  • Your friend (from this point on referred to as either "he or him") decides you are a rock star at kissing (and other stuff).
  • Because he enjoys your kissing (and other stuff) he will want to spend more time doing these activities. As a result, he will want to see you more often.
  • You, mistakenly, believe his desire to see you is a desire to spend more time with you, not realizing that his desire has nothing to do with having time with you and everything to do with what you are doing for him during that time.
  • (If he's not a complete idiot) He will become more attentive to you so that the fun doesn't stop.
  • You think his increased attentions must mean he's starting to fall for you, so you bring up the "dreaded" question: "What are we?".
  • He stops dead in his tracks, looks panicked, and says, "We're having fun, right?".
  • You realize that you don't mean any more to him than you did in the beginning (in fact, you probably mean less now, as you are no longer considered a friend but a good time).
  • He is irritated that you even brought it up and have ruined the great thing he had going.
  • Your friendship comes to an end, along with its "benefits."

Some of the details may change depending on the person, and the roles could certainly be reversed. But they are all variations on the same theme.

As I have said before, our lives do not come equipped with a backspace button. You can be friends or you can be bump buddies. You can never be both.


  • brosa 5 years ago

    I agree. relationships such as these are just what they are... a relationship for both 'with benefits.' nothing more. If u both can be okay with that.. fine.. but if you can't.. don't even bother.