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Friday Fan Letter: Lover bites and urinates in bed but can't seem to leave - Sound off here


Every so often a letter is sent to or through Facebook that is puzzling to read. The answers seem so clear i.e. clear to many except maybe the sender.  The sender is faced with a very difficult decision for their personal situation.  Often the sender feels like there is no way out and is looking for anyone to share their own stories of triumph. 

Every Friday, come back here to see a direct posting from readers who want various opinions of their situation. Subscribe below to make sure your inbox will have these stories delivered directly to you.  Please keep your suggestions civil but still be very honest with your thoughts. Remember, you never know who you are helping with just your words.

For the sake of privacy, names, places, and ages may/will be changed. However, the spirit of the letter will remain in tact. For example: NYC may become LA; Valdosta, GA may become Watertown, NY; 25yr old may become 27 - you get the picture.  Following is an actual letter from a reader of Victory Waters. Comment below.

At 32 I met a beautiful 18 yr old woman and she had potential and made big promises, however today 3 years later, all I have to show for it is permanent scars on my face and bite marks on my breast. She was a drinker but I didn't know the extent and now it is severe, she is always intoxicated and wants to fight at the drop of a hat. I feel like a battered woman, and I feel trapped. One night she was hitting me so hard in a drunken binge that I hit her back and almost got arrested, so now I'm afraid to defend my myself because as society calls me the MAN in the relationship, I am always wrong for defending myself. Yesterday I threatened to call the police and she began to inflict harm on herself and said she would tell them that I did it. I have accepted her back on a few occasions always with promises to stop drinking and get help, but I have again removed her from my home and will not allow her to return, but I'm now battered mentally. She is calling constantly and harassing me, the police said to make a report because I have marks from yesterday but I don't want her to get arrested, I want her to get help!! She cannot keep a job because of her drinking and this is an inside secret, no one knows what goes on here, except for my child (not a good environment, I know) and that is why she has to go, we are known as the strong and beautiful lesbian couple in Atlanta but I'm tired of pretending. She walks around naked, urinates in the bed and can be very verbally abusive and disrespectful to me as well as my child. (My wonderful child is male.)

Please let me know if you have any questions, there is so much more to this but I don't feel like getting emotional but will answer specific questions that you have and that will make it easier.

Thanks Victory!!!

Above is a real letter from someone in an emotionally and physically abusive situation. Victory Waters' readers and listeners always have some interesting observations and insight so we have decided to open up the floor to people like yourself for real discussions.
Yes, the above letter is from a lesbian woman. Does this change the abuse situation? Does society see her different because she is a lesbian in an abusive situation and her role is considered to be male? Is the last question only relevant because she sees herself as male?  Is her child a factor in any of this?
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  • Jason Leary 5 years ago

    What is her problem? Isn't it obvious that she needs to leave? Sometimes i think people just want attention. Serve the girl the papers and move on.

  • Liza G. 5 years ago