It used to be that the Super Bowl telecast offered viewers two kinds of suspense – first, who'd win the game by how much, and second, what the new commercials would be like and who'd have the biggest blockbuster.
Well, nobody knows who'll win the game (though a computer model predicted San Francisco). But half a dozen advertisers are ruining the second kind of suspense by releasing their Super Bowl commercials early – two last week and four more yesterday.
- Axe – Their first Super Bowl commercial ever promotes a contest to win a trip to space. In it, a handsome lifeguard rescues a beautiful woman from drowning and being eaten by sharks, only to have her stand him up for a space-suited astronaut who just happens to be on the beach.
- Volkswagen – Their :60 says that driving a Beetle will turn you into a Jamaican-accented pollyanna who tells everyone to "turn that frown upside down."
- Century 21 – Part of a campaign of :30s, their Super Bowl spot shows how "a Century 21 agent in the house" can solve major life crises, in this case a new groom faced with the prospect of moving in with his mother-in-law.
- Audi – Driving an S6 will give you the bravery to go dateless to your high-school prom, kiss the prom queen and get punched out for it.
- Coca-Cola – A Bedouin, a cowboy posse, a Mad Max biker, and a busload of chorus girls race each other through the desert to get to a giant bottle of Coke – which turns out to be a billboard for someplace else 50 miles away. Viewers are asked to vote for the winner. For this they killed the polar bears?
- GoDaddy – Register your web domain that in and of itself is going to make you a fortune with the new .co extension before everyone else does. For once, their spots have something to do with the product.