Four easy steps to getting ACL passes

AP Photo/Franklin Reyes

     Are you one of the countless music lovers that yearn to attend the Austin City Limits Music Festival but can’t get your hands on a pass? Here are four easy steps you can follow to improve your chances:
 

1. Sign up for the ACL pre-sale email list to be notified of its start.
 

2. Log on to the pre-sale Web site to purchase a pass.
 

3. Fail to complete transaction due to site’s technical issues.
 

4. Build time machine and repeat steps 1 though 3.
 

     Sorry if you were in search of genuine tips for getting a pass to ACL Fest and find this list to be a disappointment. However, at this point, it probably is easier to revolutionize science and build a time machine than it would be to find a three-day ACL pass.
 

     Pre-sale for three-day passes to this year’s ACL Music Festival began yesterday morning, only to sell out within two hours of being available to the general public. Not only is the festival still six months away, the official lineup has not yet been posted. READ: people are buying expensive passes to a music festival without knowing if they will even like the music.
 

     What a racket. One can only hope that there are no jokesters hidden amongst the powers that be because this pre-sale system is world-class opportunity for “Rick-Rolling” throngs of unsuspecting music aficionados. Imagine for a moment thousands of people crowded together to see a music legend like Paul McCartney, the smell of patchouli and wacky tobacky permeating the air already electric with anticipation, and suddenly the speakers blast “Never Gonna Give You Up” as the Rickster himself strolls out on stage.
 

Best. Prank. Ever.
 

     Sure, if you were one of the folks who paid almost two hundred bucks for a pass—or $850 to get VIP access—you might be a little perturbed that you were hearing the sweet, sultry voice of Rick Astley instead of the sounds of your favorite band. But before you got too upset, you would consider yourself lucky. Not only did you learn a valuable lesson about buying things before you know what they are, but you got to listen to a great song from the 80s performed live.
 

     After all, it could have been a lot worse. The concert could have been hijacked by Young Money and you would have been forced to listen to “Bedrock” in its entirety. Well, at least the twelve-year-old girls in the audience would have been happy.