The need and reason to forgive others is clear (Matthew 6:14-15) but we have no guarantee on how that forgiveness will be received. Sometimes we forgive, but the other person still wants to harm us. That describes David and Saul’s situation.
A Story of Forgiveness
David had always honored King Saul but Saul continued trying to kill him. Although David forgave Saul’s attacks, there was nothing David could do but stay away. In the end, when Saul died in battle, David’s heart was broken.
Sometimes all we want is a decent relationship but if the other person cannot stop their verbal and/or physical abuse they leave us no choice but to forgive from a distance. A relationship is not always possible but sometimes it is, as in the case of my family.
A Second Story of Forgiveness
I have only one sibling, a brother, Ken. We were close during childhood but lost touch entering our teen years which were turbulent for him. There was little interaction between us. I couldn’t understand his rebellion and my attempts at trying to reason with him produced no results. I was angry and, after awhile, gave up trying to deal with him.
Eventually, Ken joined the Army and would come home on leave. When he did, he would stay with my husband and I but it never brought us closer. Living with each other only gave me more reason to question his activities and my resentment grew.
When Ken re-entered civilian life he didn’t return home; he remained out of state and silent. Years passed with no word from him. Neither my parents nor I knew where he was. In the face of his silence, I grew steadily angrier.
Several years into my walk with the Lord, He began teaching me about loving others. I couldn’t help but read my Bible and find Jesus’ words admonishing us to love. Apparently this included forgiving unlovable brothers. Only because the Bible said so, I slowly released my anger.
But I couldn’t love Ken. The best I could manage was indifference. For the most part, I stopped thinking of him - out of sight, out of mind. Several more years passed. Slowly God began pointing out that indifference was not love or forgiveness, and I should look at my own behavior.
I tried dismissing the thought but was surprised when I couldn’t think of even one area of Ken’s teen years where I actively took an interest. Not one time had I let him know I was proud of him. It became clear I was the one who needed to apologize. But how could I? I had no idea where he was living.
I prayed about it until I had a God-inspired idea. I would call Information at the last city he lived and see if they had a phone number for him. They did. He was living in Tacoma, Washington. I tried calling several times but no one answered so I decided to send a letter.
Several months passed with no response. Then one day he called. We chatted a short while and he accepted my apology. It seemed to go fine but when we hung up the silence returned. After several months I tried calling again but he had moved and the number was unlisted.
I was disappointed but God was continuing to change my feelings towards Ken. Hope and love were supernaturally growing where only anger and indifference had been. I missed my brother for the first time in years.
Love for Ken continued mysteriously flourishing. He called once and I made sure to get his phone number. He was having problems so I made a point of calling him every few weeks. He seemed glad to hear from me but never made any efforts to return the calls. I wasn’t sure what to do.
Since my relationship with Ken didn’t seem to be going anywhere I stopped calling. But I was still hopeful God could handle the situation. More months passed and then Ken called from a laundromat. He had moved, again, and didn’t really want to talk. This time he wanted to borrow money. When he hung up I wrote a check for more than he asked for and sent a note with it, “I don’t want to be repaid. Consider it all the birthday and Christmas gifts I haven’t gotten you.”
In the old days I wouldn’t have trusted him with the money but now I sent it to him as an offering to God, not caring what Ken did with it. There was no response from him but I didn’t mind.
Later that year, I decided to attend a conference in Seattle, Washington only a short distance from where Ken lived. Because of his most recent move, I was back to not having his phone number. However, I still had the address of where I sent the check. I dropped him a note telling him I’d be in Seattle and asked if he wanted to get together.
I didn’t hear from him before I left home so I doubted that I would be seeing him in Washington. God had other plans. Ken surprised me by leaving a message at the conference with a telephone number.
With shaking hands I dialed the number, aware this might be the time God brought us together. Sure enough, Ken said he’d like to see me. We agreed to meet the next evening.
All the next day I wandered through the conference activities with him on my mind. As the appointed time approached, I grew increasingly nervous. Would I recognize him? What would we say? What would we do?
I walked slowly to the selected meeting place, wondering if he would really be there. Then I saw him, sitting on a bench waiting for me as I had been waiting for him all these years. It had been 14 years and where there had once been anger, there was nothing left but forgiveness and love.
Since that time, Ken moved back home and I now have a real brother – made possible only by God’s grace and patience, and because I chose forgiveness.
Forgiveness isn’t easy and it doesn’t always bring what we expect. But God’s word is true and we can trust Him no matter the outcome. He comforted David in his sorrow over Saul’s death, and He brought my brother back to me.
May you be blessed as you strive to follow Him and offer forgiveness - whether it is accepted or not.
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