As you read the title of this article ask yourself, does forgiveness exist in your relationship? Do you tend hold grudges or keep score with partner; do you bring more to the table? Do more chores, bring more money or cater to your spouse more than you think he or she does? Maybe the grudges or resentment exist only because you think you do more, besides, at the end the day who cares. Sure, there are those are platen in their laziness, that a whole other article.
I mean those who do but don’t seem to do as much you do. Are you in score keeping frame of mind marriage? Well, stop! This may simply mean you have an unforgiving heart. Betrayal, aggression, and just plain insensitivity: People can hurt us in a million ways, and forgiveness isn’t always easy. Whether you’ve been cut off in traffic, slighted by your mother-in-law, betrayed by a spouse, or badmouthed by a co-worker, most of us are faced with a variety of situations that we can choose to ruminate over or forgive.
But forgiveness, like so many things in life, is easier said than done. Forgiveness can be a challenge for several reasons. Sometimes forgiveness can be confused with condoning what someone has done to us: “That’s OK. Why not do it again?” Forgiveness can be difficult when the person who wronged us doesn’t seem to deserve our forgiveness -- it’s hard to remember that forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the one who is forgiven.
Ultimately, forgiveness is especially challenging because it’s hard to let go of what’s happened. However, it’s important to let go and forgive. Forgiveness is good for your heart…literally. One study from the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found forgiveness to be associated with lower heart rate and blood pressure as well as stress relief. This can bring long-term health benefits for your heart and overall health.
In contemplating how to forgive someone, it may or may not help to express your feelings to the other person. If the relationship is important to you and you would like to maintain it, it may be very useful for you to tell the other person, in non-threatening language, how their actions affected you. Be nice, why create more stress and resentment while trying to forgive.
Your spouse may or may not be receptive at first, that’s on them. Continue to work toward forgiving as you explain your thoughts. Do not try to bully them into accepting your forgiveness…leave them some “food for thought” so they can process what is being said. Sometimes when you tell someone that you are forgiving them it can be perceived as “you must think I did something wrong” and they get defensive.
Do not argue your point. Forgiveness is not about how wrong you make someone feel. One of my favorite sayings is: ‘First time, shame on you; second time, shame on me.' Sometimes it’s difficult to forgive if you feel that forgiveness leaves you open to the future repeats of same negative treatment.
It’s important to understand that forgiveness is not the same as condoning the offending action, and it’s OK (and sometimes vital) to include self-protective plans for the future as part of your forgiveness process. In fact, blanket forgiveness of someone who is continually hurting you isn’t necessarily a good idea for your emotional health anyway.
Truth be told, the more traumatic a situation the harder it is to forgive. Sometimes it can be difficult to forget about the past and forgive, particularly if the offending acts were ongoing or traumatic. If you’re still having difficulty knowing how to forgive someone who’s wronged you in a significant way, you may have better success working with a therapist who can help you work through your feelings on a deeper level and personally support you through the process. Forgiveness plays a major role, especially in a marriage. In fact, the success of your marriage may depend on it.
More marriage articles: http://www.examiner.com/marriage-in-wichita-falls/jack-lopez