Are you able to forgive the bully who made your life miserable at work, school or home? Has someone ever hurt you so badly that you can barely think about them without feeling anger? Have the words and actions against you cut so deeply that you feel bloodied and bowed? Can you bring yourself to forgive?
What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness is not denying that you have been hurt or wronged. It is not forgetting or excusing unjust, destructive and vicious behaviors. Forgiveness is releasing the person who wronged you from your personal judgment. It allows you to leave behind any resentment, harsh feelings and bitterness that you have for the perpetrator. Forgiveness is understanding that you are no longer a victim. Forgiveness is recognizing that you are in charge and not the bully.
Why should you forgive someone who caused you pain and misery?
Not forgiving can cause disease and bitterness. Forgiveness according to the Journal of Behavioral Medicine is associated with lowering heart rates and blood pressure. When you do not forgive you relive the painful experience as well as the stress of that incident over and over again. Not forgiving encourages a constant state of stress and pain. This does not mean putting yourself in harms’ way. It may mean finding new friends and relationships. Forgiveness brings you peace, calmness and a sense of hope. Find friends who make you feel this way too!
How to forgive?
When you realize that the person who have violated your trust and made you feel bad has moved on with their life, then you are on your way to healing. You do not have to confront the person or tell them how you feel. Here are some ways to forgive.
- Be kinder to others. Keep in mind how you felt when you were bullied or hurt and do something special for someone else.
- Get even by being successful. Make up your mind that you will be a winner and you will help others along the way.
- Pick your friends carefully. Look for others who are open and caring and do not willfully harm others.
- Use spirituality, meditate or pray.
- Think about how this experience has made you stronger and go out and stand up for others.
- Do not forget to forgive yourself.
So, let go of the hurt and grudges, feel good about yourself, get healthy and forgive.