Forgiveness is the process of letting go of unpleasant feelings about a perceived transgression and inserting healthy feelings such as empathy, compassion and understanding for the transgressor. Forgiveness is not a natural response to a transgression. Forgiveness can be difficult and take some time before one is ready and able to forgive. Forgiveness does not mean condoning the transgression or that justice should not be served. It is the reclaiming of the power the transgressor had over you in that the transgressor’s behavior triggered unhealthy emotions in you not conducive for healthy living. Reclaiming this power allows one to feel better about self and life.
Here are some steps to use when considering forgiveness:
- Review the transgression objectively. Try to remove how you felt or feel about it and think about the facts of the transgression.
- Identify and acknowledge your feelings about the transgression. Be careful not to judge yourself for how you felt or feel.
- Make an assessment of how your feelings are affecting your life and whether it is worth continuing to harbor ill-feelings about the transgressor.
- Decide to forgive. Share your decision with a friend and/or pray or meditate on your decision.
I understand that for some there are transgressions that they consider not open to forgiveness. The caveat here is living with unhealthy emotions is not conducive to optimum health. Seek professional counseling, meet with someone you trust or simply tell yourself you need more time but do not resign yourself to a life of ill-feelings. Forgiveness is for the forgiver as much as or more so than the forgiven. In fact, the forgiven do not necessarily need to know that they have been forgiven. The act of forgiving takes effort and will improve your quality of life. Life is too short, live it to the fullest.
I understand that for some there are transgressions that they consider not open to forgiveness. The caveat here is living with unhealthy emotions is not conducive to optimum health. Seek professional counseling, meet with someone you trust or simply tell yourself you need more time but do not resign yourself to a life of ill-feelings. Forgiveness is for the forgiver as much as or more so than the forgiven. In fact, the forgiven do not necessarily need to know that they have been forgiven. The act of forgiving takes effort and will improve your quality of life. Life is too short, live it to the fullest.
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