Read more fun stuff in The Bisexuals Guide to the Universe by Mike Szymanski and Nicole Kristal.
Advantages of Dating a Straight Girl
She’s not stupid, but she generally won’t notice if you take an extra look at a cute waiter’s butt or are noticing the guy’s bulges while at the ballet. They will tend to be more clingy but blissfully naive about your homo past. A straight woman may be more family oriented, and it’s more likely she’s going to want to keep you on a tight leash. Find one who likes sports, and then pretend like you know something about the game while watching it with her.
Disadvantages of Dating a Straight Girl
Whether she tells you or not, she’ll always be threatened about not having a penis. She’ll always wonder if you’re missing out what you had before with a guy and wonder what she can offer that she thinks she’s lacking. It’s a good way to turn this into a sex-ed class and have her demonstrate the best ways to please her and vice versa. Another way to turn the tables on her is to ask if there’s anything she misses that you’re not providing. Then maybe she’ll see how silly she’s being.
Advantages of Dating a Lesbian
Occasionally, a lesbian wants to dabble with a man, and finding a more sensitive and willing bi man is a better option for her. She’ll know how to tie a tie, and she’s good at shining boots. She’ll also have cable because she watches The L Word. But be warned—you’re going to totally screw up all your social circles because no one is ever going to figure you out. A big plus: she can fix your car.
Disadvantages of Dating a Lesbian
Look out! A lesbian is going to bring all kinds of whirring, spinning, gigantic sex toys to bed with you, wanting to try them all on, and without lube. She’s going to want to use a strap-on too, and she’s going to insist on being a top. This has happened to more guys than you’d believe, me included. Negotiate how many tools from her toolbox she’s going to bring to bed before things get too far.