Airlines are introducing new fees based on the tracking information they’ve got. Well track this; we don’t want any new fees! On the other hand, airlines are profitable because fees bring in more than $15 billion a year.
How do they amass this information? It’s a little known fact but as you stand in front of the check-in counter watch the attendant as they type. They’re assessing your clothes, speech, credit card limits, job and more. By the end of ‘check in’ they’ll know more about you than your CPA.
They’re also friends with the NSA (National Security Agency) and over lunch they swap info and stories.
Unlike original extra charges like checking a bag, the new fees will promise a more pleasant experience like extra legroom, better food and an empty seat next to you. Then you board.
At that point, the fees really start to add up. Using the bathroom, getting oxygen in case of emergency and having a pilot who won’t sleep on the flight will cost you dearly.
If you want to say bye bye to that crying baby in the seat in front of you, it’s an extra $55.
Extra legroom and early boarding were just the beginning. Would you like to sit next to a person who will listen while you talk about your grand-children? An out of work college grad will listen attentively for $12 an hour for any flight lasting 2 hours or more plus the price of their ticket.
Once on the ground, you can skip the baggage carousel and have luggage delivered directly to your home, office or if you live in New York, have it sent straight to Columbus, Ohio.
"It's all about personalizing the travel experience while we soak you for every dime you’ve got,” said Vern Gradely, an unnamed airline executive.
Carriers have struggled to raise airfares enough to cover costs. That’s why pilots are hired straight out of high school. “With computers doing almost all of the flying, we have a large pool of gamers at our disposal” says airline representative Bud ‘Pepe’ Bonafiglio. “If you’re good with an Xbox360, and can ace ‘Grand Theft Auto V’ we want you to ‘fly’ passengers across the country for us.”
"We have massive amounts of data," says airline CEO Richard Anderling, "and sooner or later it will cost you.”