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Five Reasons Writing is Better Than Laziness

Behold the Master!!
Behold the Master!!
South Park

So here I am at home, sitting in my room, it's freezing outside, the thumb-sticks of my PS3 are worn to nubs, reruns on the television, and I'm bored to tears. Then I thought,"Hey! Remember that time that website paid you to write about the stupid cartoons and stuff you watch on TV?" Why yes, self, I do remember that. What was I, like, twelve? "Twenty." Oh....well when did I start spelling out all the numbers I use when I write? "That's new." Ah.

What was I saying? Oh right, back then I wanted to somehow profit from being a grown man (technically) who still enjoyed vegging on the couch from time to time to time to time. Then I found and wrote a grand total of 2 "articles", graciously named such. Don't worry, for the reward junkies out there, there will be links to these real pieces of work to come. So here I am again, looking for fun, time killing ways to make an extra buck that doesn't involve fish nets and a street corner. That's right, I'm giving the internet another try.

And like most people I need a darn good reason or three if I'm gonna get up off my butt to do anything. SO! Here are some reasons (4) I came up with why writing is better than deepening that dent forming in your bed.

5. You still get to deepen that dent in your bed.

That's right! At this very moment as I write this, and maybe even as you read this, I am lounging in bed, drinking Mt. Dew, watching Family Guy, and writing about why writing is way better than all of those things. "Well why is it better?" I'm glad you asked faceless internet reader. It's simple really, laying at home watching a cartoon meant for mature audiences and chugging Mt. Dew is lazy. Laying at home, watching a cartoon for mature audiences, chugging Mt. Dew, and writing, that's art my friend!

4. You get to write about whatever you want.

Even now I am not quite sure what it is I'm going to write about. Maybe I'll continue to write about cartoons, or maybe I'll do something more serious, like the trials that kittens face due to the unrealistic standards set by lolcats. Who knows? That's part of the fun! I can write about whatever I want, whenever I have the time to do it. Maybe something came up in the news and that excites me. Maybe nothing came up in the news and that infuriates me. Why do you have to be so boring, world!? Why indeed...

3. Someone out there might actually care what I have to say.

Have you ever had a thought and wondered why there wasn't anyone around lucky enough to have heard it? No? Maybe I'm just better than most people, cuz I totally have. And that's the great thing about writing on the internet! There's billions of people out there, trillions, even! And if even a percent of a percent of those people like what it is that I have to say, that's quite an audience. And who's to say how many people out there will hate what I have to say! But by then, it will have been too late. HA! I win.

2. Anything kicks the snot out of being bored.

We have all been there, stuck at home, raining and/or snowing outside, the cable is out, no cold water for a shower, and you forgot to pick up baby oil at the super market. Well, that's where writing can come in handy! Just be sure you wash them first.

"But Ryan," I hear you say skeptically. "If the power is out, how will I ever be able to write for my adoring internet fans?" Well internet fans, I have just the thing to help you win in an Armageddon of a situation such as this.

Just kill a tree, grab a pen, and go to town. Whether it's free writing, novel-izing, short story-ating or just doodling, it's something to get the ole juices flowing. Then just regurgitate the whole thing into your browser when the power comes back on, or you run away to the nearest Starbucks for free wifi, whichever comes first.

1. You can get paid to write in bed!

This really is the most exciting aspect of this whole gig, tentative though it may be. It's very rare that you get paid to do what you love, unless you live in Nevada and have daddy issues. That group aside, most of us trudge through life going 9-5 faking a smile before disappearing into a cubicle for 8 hours only resurfacing for sustenance or escape. But this? This is fun! It's unique, it's original, and I can make some money doing it. What's not to love?!

By the way, getting paid is proportional to how many people you can convince to actually read what it is that you wrote. So tell your friends about this awesome article! It may convince them to sprinkle just a dash of productivity to their lazy, cholesterol encrusted lives.

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