When faced with the daunting task of breastfeeding my daughter I felt the choice was clear. In all the literature that I obsessed over during my pregnancy, doctors raved over the benefits of breastfeeding versus formula. As a first time mother, I knew everything because I read everything. The reality was another story. Everyone’s experience is totally different. We are, of course, individual in every way so to think this would not be so in the matter of breastfeeding was foolish to say the least. My determination to succeed was my only lifeline.
My first mistake was believing that I would have a strong support system in the hospital. I knew what the books told me about not giving my baby a pacifier or bottle within the first few weeks of birth. I never had a problem with this. The hospital was great about fulfilling my wishes, but surprisingly had little support on the actual task of breastfeeding. Many of the nurses were just as clueless as I was. After a lengthy labor which was followed by a c-section, the first time I held my baby was in the late evening hours. We were placed into a room around midnight.
When questioning one of my nurses about putting her on the breast, she shrugged her shoulders and took my baby by the temples and began twisting her towards me. This bothered me greatly and I waved her off. Other nurses never even attempted to instruct me. I was very awkward, but determined. The first few times seemed successful and my baby girl had no problems sleeping and didn’t seem hungry so I felt like I was doing it correctly.
I had only a few friends who had actually breastfed for more than a few days, so advice was few and far between. I was struggling with the way my body looked and felt after birth, the surreal feeling that I was a mother and the emotional roller coaster that comes with pregnancy and birth.
Many of my friends who had never tried breastfeeding expressed that they worried it would somehow be sexual when they breastfed. I worried about this too before delivery, but once I tried it I was literally hooked. It didn’t feel at all sexual as much as the intense bonding I felt with my baby. The fact that I was nourishing her with my own body, it was extremely fulfilling to know that after hundreds of thousands of years of women feeding their babies the same way I was making the valiant effort to do the same.
Once I arrived at home, I began feeling the pain. It would literally take my breath when she latched on and I would grab at my pillow trying to resist the urge to throw her off! The pain at the breast was not the only pain. My c-section was painful. My uterus contracting while she nursed was painful. But, it doesn’t last forever. It does get better with practice and lots of patience.
It was such an emotional time as well and I wanted to do just as the books told me in order to succeed. Then, on the third night, she really started getting hungry. My milk wasn’t in and all I could do was nurse, nurse, nurse. I knew she wasn’t getting anything because my formerly content baby was crying. My husband and I stayed up all night that night and I knew that by morning if my milk had not come in I would have to supplement her with formula. I have no problems with formula. I believe it is a mother’s right to choose what is best for her and her baby. But in my situation I knew what I wanted, but faced with my very pitiful sounding baby I was going to give her some type of relief. I wasn’t going to let her be hungry any longer so I gave it until morning.
Finally, my milk came in the next morning. When asking those who walked this road before me how I would know if my milk was in they simply told me I would know and I did. I felt like a bag of rocks in both breasts and they were swollen to the point I didn’t recognize my figure! My daughter latched on and didn’t let go until she was fed. It was wonderful.
It took me about two full weeks to really get the hang of the latch on. My most successful maneuver was taking the breast with my thumb on top and slightly behind the nipple and my forefinger just below and behind, puckering it out in an almost oval shape. I then would start at my daughters nose with the nipple pointed upward and come down towards her mouth until she opened wide. This made more of the breast go into her mouth and I was surprised the first time by the non –painful latch on. This made me so proud of myself and of her.
After those first two weeks of pain, cracked and bleeding nipples and up every two to three hours to feed I felt like I had run a marathon. But, once I got past the initial questions and concerns I felt so natural feeding my baby this way. To this day she has never had anything more than a cold, never has she had an ear infection, very minimal spit up and no tummy problems. I commend all mothers for the experience of raising children and it can start with breastfeeding if you have a strong support system and nerves of steel. I know there are many mothers who desperately want to breastfeed but it is just not physically possible. Just trying it for a few days deserves a metal it’s hard work. But just because you can’t breastfeed doesn’t mean you love your baby any less and feeding your baby is just the tip of the iceberg!
After struggling in the beginning to find answers to my questions, I felt I could help other women who might be struggling with the same things. In the south, I always assumed breastfeeding would be more widely accepted. I found the opposite to be so. I must say I did find several avenues of help through local services which helped me obtain a breast pump and other information.
I am not put off by personal questions when it comes to having babies so if you read this article and gained any insight that might help you and you feel like I could help you in other areas, feel free to contact me. As the old saying goes it takes a village to raise a baby and I believe this to be true! Good luck and enjoy your baby!!
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