If you’re a parent with more than one kid, than you probably don’t live in a home where your kids aren’t fighting at some point. And sometimes it gets out of control.
Often, you’re ready to lose it from the fighting that goes on in your house.
Marissa K. from Manhattan complains that her three kids are constantly at each other’s throats. A NYC mom from the Upper Eastside said her kids fight so much she wants to run away. David J. a stay-at-home dad in New York City said he’s ready to call in mediators. He just doesn’t know what to do when his kids start fighting.
David P. from New York whose kids are now grown used to place his kids in chairs facing each other and they had to stare at each other until they burst out laughing. The fighting between his kids finally ended.
Instead of reacting to the fighting, parents can become pro-active. Stay out of your kid’s fights in a nonjudgmental way. Children need to be able to settle things for themselves. When they’re calmer you can teach them negotiation skills.
Parents need to remember to affirm and accept feeling. All feelings are O.K., but not all actions are. A parent can say, "You felt very angry at your brother because he broke your toy. Tell him you’re angry, but - no hitting."
- Kids fight when they are bored. Have an anti-boredom plan available at the first sign of boredom fighting. One good answer is to send the combatants into neutral corners with a good book…think of it as time out with educational entertainment.
- Kids fight to get your attention. Ask yourself, have I really given them enough attention today? Can I spare a little time to bake cookies with them?
- Kids fight when they can get away with it. In some households one child is clearly the favorite. Make sure that the problem doesn't lie with perceived favoritism on your part.
- Kids fight out of habit. Sometimes bullying and spitefulness become habits between siblings. Enforce a "mean-free zone" in your home. Give points for the child behaving kindly to the other. Erase points for the one who is being mean. When you’ve determined the number of points to be reached for being kind, reward that child with a prize.
Parents can begin to teach their children these important skills early. What a difference this can make in their lives and yours!
Sibling fighting probably won’t get better unless you step in but with consistency on your part - you can have peace in your home.
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Ross Ellis is also the Examiner for:
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