Fifty Shdes of Improbability

Yes, I know it's fiction. That's obvious. You couldn't get a more improbable scenario. First of all, an attractive womn graduates from college in Seattle a virgin. Really? Really? Not unless she's gruesomely ugly and/or clutching a Bible! The main characters came from Twilight fanfiction, and it's obvious. Christian's behavior is quite consistent with that of a vampire, and Ana is just as irritating as Bella. Half way through the book I wondered if maybe he just wanted to whack some sense into her. At the beginning of the book, I must confess, that when I read the description of Christian Gray as a red-haired gentleman, I got this huge Mr. Weasley vibe. You know, Ronald Weasley's dad from Harry Potter? That was a huge turn-off to start with, and thinking of Mr. & Mrs. Weasley doing those things just made me feel sort of dizzy and slightly sick. I had to visualize the actors from Twilight to block tht image out of my head and get over it.

Reality check #1. Good looking young men don't pay for sex; they get it for free. Think fifty to sixty years old, wicked ugly, long scraggly nose hairs, a beer belly, a bald head, an icky smell and a bad personlity, and now you're cooking with gas. I remember quite well what used to slither on into the nightclubs I once worked at. That's the type of guy who pays for sex, especially if they want kinky sex. They wouldn't pay more than they had to, either, and would try to get it for free, thinking that they're good looking and turn somebody on. They would not give a girl credit cards, a nice car, a phone, or any other fancy electronics. And if you do meet a gorgeous guy in Seattle, there's a 50/50 chance he's gay. If he's gorgeous and rich, he's definitely gay. Fifty shades of gay would be more like it. By the way, if that's what you're into, please read my book, Lawful Evil, freely available on Bookiejar.com, under my name. If you're interested in psychologically disturbed vampires who keep slaves, lie a lot, have sex and kill plenty of innocent people while trying to kill each other, check out my unfinished manuscript Angel's Rebirth, free on the same site.

More reality checks: If this guy is a control freak and owns several companies, how in the hell does he have time to be a pervert? Wouldn't he be more concerned about his businesses and what people are doing with them while he's away? The vocabulary is clearly British, not American. Those contracts are not legally enforceable. Those are not commutable distances. Most improbable of all, this girl has supposedly never even been on a date or masturbated, and yet has multiple orgasms the first time she has sex? That's awful damn rare.

Ana's naivete is terrifying. In a part of the country infamous for it's serial killers, Ted Bundy, Gary Ridgeway, etc., the heroine who doesn't have the common sense of a cat gets killed quick. To quote Mae West, "Girls who know the ropes don't get tied up in them."

In a similar vein, I find it interesting that a book that includes elements of BDSM to transcend sexual reality goes mainstream, where all other methods of doing so are shunned. Ancient methods like atavistic dancing and hallucinogenic mushrooms that were used to enhance village-wide orgies, are looked at as anathema, while tying others up and finding pleasure in it has now become a socially accepted norm. I am not passing judgment, I simply find this interesting from a cultural point of view. Are drug induced altered states of consciousness so terrifying that we have to achieve transcendence through pain? Just something to think about.

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, Kitsap Peninsula New Moms Examiner

Cynthia Norris Brooks is a long time resident of Kitsap County and has five children, ages 25, 22, 18, 12, and 6. She attended Olympic College and The Evergreen State College, and currently holds an Associate of Science degree, an Associate in Technical Arts, and a Bachelor's degree in social...

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