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Feel good about saying no

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Experts estimate a toddler hears the word no almost 400 times a day. Considering how often people use the word no, it is surprising they have such a hard time saying it when it needs to be said. Saying no is an important part of setting boundaries and cultivating healthy relationships. When people are struggling, there are a few simple questions they can ask themselves so they can feel good about saying no.

What is the reason for saying no? Sometimes saying no is instinctive. It is a defense mechanism, stubbornness, a subconscious reaction to feeling pressured or overwhelmed. It can be an attempt to gain some control in a situation or it can just be plain orneriness. Asking people to examine why they want to say no is the first step in understanding whether they are acting in line with their values and boundaries.

What keeps people from saying no? Is it fear? Misplaced priorities? Laziness? People get into a habit of saying yes without understanding how it serves them. Instead of blindly agreeing to something, people should understand that saying no when necessary is healthy and important for maintaining a sense of self. What is the worst that can happen? Will life really be that different? People can make better choices for themselves by giving a voice to their fears.

What are other ways of saying no? Saying no isn’t rude, but there are many ways to say no without having to offer an explanation. Coupling a no with a positive statement works well. People can simply say they have a commitment or say, "that doesn't work for me". Nos can be both polite and assertive.

Since the word no is inherently negative, it is hard to associate positive feelings to it. Saying no can be good when it reinforces boundaries and values. Being able to act in line with individual beliefs is a good feeling and a good thing. Embrace it.

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