First segment of this series looked at young people who are abusive... that they are inclined to torque aggressive responses instead of stepping back when they see or experience pain in another. Understanding this, and unlearning the behavior can be done, but takes time, focused specific effort and commitment to change. For either teen, male or female.
Probably, the second most common concern I hear as a therapist is both from parents, teachers and girlfriends is "Guys don't talk".
Taking a peek around the Web, this can be divided into 1.) What is going on with pre-teen and teen guys not talking 2.) What do you know about that guy's human development and health 3.) What do you know about that guy's drug and alcohol use 4.) How do you work towards a specific commitment to improve expectations and participation, for the young person and the loved ones. 5.) Where do you find resources to deal with this .. the young man individually or the family or school or church caring for him.
A Mom's blog gives a decent take on her questions about the transition between her little boy, her pre-teen boy and her teenage boy. http://www.deseretnews.com/article/700025750/Hart-So-thats-why-teen-boys...
What she hit on was two things, one is that her son is going through stages of change ( as do all kids, male and female) and that may cause some limitations in her son that are temporary.
Rick Belden, who is a famous psychotherapist out of Austin, Texas deals with male issues. A regular blogger and poster on RickBelden.com and on Twitter, Mr. Belden has some of the best voice on male healing around. What he looks at is personal wounds that anyone can have, but which classically choke males up when relating to themselves or others.
Some general concepts Mr.Belden shares regularly are that Boys and Men 1.) don't know their needs; 2.) have been told they don't or can't have any needs; 3.) they must disconnect from self, 4.) Failing to understand your feelings and needs is in fact a direct route to your troubles. 5.) Addressing issues early, keeps the issues from destroying the person, their relationships and their loved ones.
Belden's very best article is here, http://rickbelden.com/blog/2012/07/30/why-arent-more-older-men-showing-u... which looks at why adult men believe their input doesn't matter.
Mr. Belden also addresses the concept of the adult men developing themselves as leaders and mentors to young men. http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/coming-to-terms-with-an-absen...
When asked about encouraging talking in male adolescents and young adults, Keith Combs OKC Father and teen counselor says, “ It is totally about interest for me” “ Tap into something they know about, and it get’s them going.” “ We boys, we like to talk about things we know about “. " Guys don't talk for real in the company of other guys. One on one is a good start." "You have to disarm their masculinity.... it is important to get guys to talk...... sometimes getting a guy to talk about a situation that isn't them, then that might get them to talk about their situation, for a start."
One realy great question is to give an example and then ask, "Have YOU ever experienced anything like that?"
The Oklahoma City Metropolitan Library System is offering a guys only communications class on February 16 th free of charge. This is open to the public and no pre-registration is required. The Ronald J. Norrick Library is located in the heart of downtown Oklahoma City across from the Oklahoma County Courthouse.
Individual, group and family counseling and skills training for young men and their families is available in many forms in OKC, including callling 211 from a land line for UnitedWay assistance.
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