Dating abuse is a prevalent issue among teens, 1 in 3 teens in a dating relationship have been verbally, emotionally, sexually or physically abused. The Center for Healthy Relationships was created for Idaho teens as a source of dating information (http://www.nomeansknow.com). Although it is a great site, parents and those who work with teens should also ensure that teens are going about dating in a safe way. Here are some things you can do to help teens in abusive relationships:
- Don’t be the bystander. Doing nothing will only encourage the harasser.
- Encourage the victim to talk to a trusted adult even if it's not you. If they don’t report and abuse persists or becomes severe, you have to take charge.
- What to say (open-ended questions):
- What does your ideal relationship look like? Is this relationship close to that ideal?
- Do you feel respected in your relationship? Why or why not?
- Does your boyfriend/girlfriend make you feel good about yourself?
- How are you going to get out of this relationship?
- Who can you count on for immediate help?
- Who are some adults you could go to if your boyfriend/girlfriend treats you badly?
- How can I help you?
- What to do:
- Model assertive relationships
- Rehearse the break-up with the teen
- Set age appropriate dating limits
- Create a safety plan that includes places, people and resources that make the victim feel safe
- Listen to the teen and guide (which is not giving advice) their decision making
- Assure the teen they don't deserve to be abused and real love doesn't involve abuse
- Encourage the teen to report or seek help from an adult they trust
- Report the abuse to the authorities if you feel the teen is in physical danger
You may have noticed what you say or do does not include making them break up with their abusive boyfriend/girlfriend. Trying to make teens do anything usually has the opposite effect. A more effective strategy is to allow them to come to their own conclusion that the relationship isn't good for them. You can also let them know you are there for them and that you care first and foremost for their safety which may include reporting to protect them.
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Know That Love Is Not Abuse. (2011). Center for Healthy Teen Relationships. Retrieved from http://www.nomeansknow.com/facts.html
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