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Fear of rejection strikes at any age

Few people have navigated through childhood and adolescence without the soul-wrenching feeling of rejection. As we move into adulthood, we may believe that the fear of rejection that caused so much emotional trauma and confusion will be a thing of the past. But no matter how confident and successful we become, there is just no way that we can control how people treat us – and that includes whether they accept or reject us.

Meeting new people, speaking in front of a crowd, handling a distraught customer, confronting a subordinate or expressing your feelings in an emotional situation are just some of the situations that may bring on the fear of rejection. The more weight you place on another’s opinion, the more you are at risk of being overcome by their rejection. This is perhaps most obvious when dealing with rejection in a personal relationship. Clearly seeing the reasons and our own possible role in rejection will help us head off future situations that move in that direction.  

As social creatures, we strive to make a connection with other people. Our fear of being alone is the main factor when we feel rejection. The thought of spending our lives with no one to for care and who cares for us is a scary prospect. In many ways this is an irrational fear; there are thousands of ways to get involved with people – higher education, religious organizations, hobbies, volunteering, etc.

The idea of being alone in the world may not faze us; we actually enjoy solitude. But when we deny or lack confidence in our ability, intelligence and talent to take care of our own needs, we may develop a fear of rejection. The needy person depends on others to fill a gap in their own self-worth, leaving a hole when they’re left to their own devices; believing they need another person to be happy is not only self-defeating but unrealistic. The way out of this self-defeating cycle is to acknowledge weaknesses and strengths and work to strengthen the latter.

If we allow ourselves to be defined by what others think or how well we relate to others, fear of rejection is the natural result. And when we describe ourselves with definitive, singular terms (popular, cute, married, quiet, a leader) that convey a superior quality above others, we are destined to be disappointed when that trait either no longer exists or is no longer prominent. When feelings of rejection flood our thoughts, we must define our hopes and goals and look beyond what others think. Take back control of your own life by rejecting the need to be the popular, cute, married, quiet or a leader and learn to see beyond the superficial and accept the whole package of who you are.

* More Info: Whether you're experienced with online dating-- or new to the internet singles scene, find everything you need to choose the best online dating services at Follow me on Twitter or you can get notice of new articles on the home page at this site by subscribing by entering your email address. You are also invited to read my relationship blog,


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