FCC form 498 is actually called the service provider information form. It is the form to get you a piece of action of the 2.25 billion in E-Rate funding. When completed you will receive a service provider identification number or as even the FCC calls it a SPIN number. The only information really needed is your name and an address of where to send the checks to. Step two is to find a willing partner that runs a school or library. The more depressed the better since the amount you steal depends on the number of ironically free lunches they provide. Step three to easy money; provide an inflated quote to your partner for wiring their location for high speed internet access.
At this point you might be thinking how to partner with a public school or library. But that’s not where the real money is. The real money is in private religious schools and libraries. New York City spent an average of $1,300 per student of these funds while just one private school was awarded $3,000 per student. So just like slick Willie Sutton is reputed to have said “Because that’s where the money is”.
So where does this money come from? Since you are reading this on the internet it comes from you. Thank you, Al Gore and the Telecommunications Act. Al didn’t really invent the internet he just invented a way for the government to profit from it. This is what the government does with the remainder of the Obama phone money they collect from the universal service fee. Minus the 107 million a year to run the non-tax paying, non-profit Universal Service Administration company. But don’t worry about USAC, they have already been cited for lack of oversight, accepting fraudulent documentation, and accepting overinflated contracts. They even have trouble tracking Obama phones where 41% of users are not qualified.
Now that you are interested in getting your license to steal what are the requirements? Just make up a name for your company, you don’t have to really be in business, in fact some of the highest paid technology companies in New York don’t even have a web site. USAC is not picky about the address, your apartment, condo or home will do. If you want to avoid scrutiny you can list several at the same address. Over 4,000 “companies” have SPIN numbers and are cashing in.
Your customer’s requirements are only slightly higher. They must be a school; it doesn’t matter if they use the technology you sell them as long as they have students. One private school in New York requires parents of students to remove the bad influence of the internet in their private homes. They received 30 million to wire the school. You could almost see the rush to provide Amish schools with data wiring. Customers if they have no students but a few books around will need to just classify themselves as libraries.
Once you are lined up with a bid for installation just sit at home and wait for the money. But do not delay as E-Rate consulting (run out of a PO Box) says “Take advantage now, you may not be able to later”. This easy money might not last forever. Democrat Rep. Shelia Jackson Lee’s took time out looking for Apollo 11 on Mars to warn Federal spending is almost at the bone so fill out your 498 today and do your part to line your pockets, errr bring internet access to the children.
Note: A special thanks to Julie Wiener and Hella Winston of Jewish week who broke this story with more facts and less sarcasm than me
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