A Kaiser Permanente employee reflects on a lifetime of abandonment at the hands of drug addicts and religious zealots, but celebrates the successful creation of a new family.
In a tranquil courtyard at the Pasadena offices of Kaiser Permanente, Tim Yepez tries his best to sit still and restrain a toothy grin. He looks about 22-years-old, but is in fact 30 years old.
“[Here at Kaiser] I couldn’t be anymore comfortable,” Yepez says, gushing over the new job, “It’s where I’m supposed to be.”
Kaiser continually receives high praise from the Human Rights Campaign and offers an LGBT network; KP-Pride. Jonathan Yepez (no relation to Tim Yepez) is the director of the group and says, its “mission is to nurture acceptance, equality and support for LGBT employees, physicians and members.”
As memories of his upbringing in La Verne, Calif. surface in his expression, Yepez leans forward to reveal that shortly after the birth of his brother, when he was three years old, his mother abandoned them. She would resurface every few months and pick them up, he says, but her consistency eventually faltered, “I would sit in the window [sometimes] all night, hoping she’d get there, thinking, maybe she was running late?” She has been a Meth-addict for most of Yepez’s life.
The boys were raised by their conservative Christian father and step-mother, who worked for the state. As he matured, Yepez says, he was taunted and reprimanded for wearing lip gloss and singing Mariah Carey songs.
Just weeks into his freshman year of high school, he was outed by his brother. “He told my dad that I was [fooling] around with kids in the neighborhood. It was just normal messing around that boys do,” he says. But, his step-mother reported it to a colleague at work and within a few days he was removed from his home. When questioned by his social worker about the report, he answered honestly, but “[She] documented that I was molesting boys in the neighborhood.” He believes she was manipulated, “It was my step-mother; she just didn’t want me around her kids.” He angrily recalls that she often said she could feel the devil inside of him.
Yepez was ordered to undergo individual and group therapy to deal with his “actions,” and family therapy to determine if he had molested his siblings. Sought help from his former Math Teacher and friend, Sandy Walker. She attempted to ease his burden with tutoring and guidance, “I had to figure out if I really was a pervert or just gay,” he says. “She helped me with that.” No evidence of molestation ever manifested.
Yepez says his father also made attempts to console him, saying “‘we’re trying to get you back.’ But it wasn’t true. My therapist was telling me [the truth]; that they didn’t want me at home.” Walker became licensed as foster parent, to assume custody of Yepez. Her efforts landed her in a court battle with Yepez’s parents, who accused her of seeking sexual favors from him. She was denied custody and discouraged from visiting.
Yepez was a ward of the state for about two years. He almost “aged out,” but the state sent his parents a bill for his foster care and immediately brought him back home. But he was told he couldn’t be gay. Eager to get out of foster care and shed the stigma of an “alleged child molester,” Yepez says he felt forced into the lie and agreed.
While, back at home his efforts at emancipation and Walker’s efforts at adoption, failed. So, he stuck it out, he says, until a month before his 18th birthday. He secretly moved in with Walker and she adopted him, shortly after.
Yepez rolls his eyes as he describes the adoptive mother-son dynamic, “I couldn’t be the little kid she wanted me to be. I met my first love and she got jealous.” He remembers being too young and dumb to focus on anything but the new love of his life. Walker repeatedly kicked him out, because she didn’t understand his lifestyle. The last time was in 2007, two weeks before Christmas. They have not spoken since.
In 2008, with the help of friends, he found a place to live, a job and the second love of his life. He felt his life was back on track, “I thought he was amazing. He was cute, and really fun to be with. He and I ended up getting married and [we moved in together] in West Hollywood.” They were happy, until a year later, when Yepez says, “[My husband] disappeared on me. I found out that he had drug addiction issues, Meth. I couldn't believe that I had married [someone like] my mom.” After failed attempts to rescue the relationship, Yepez moved to Long Beach, but he never obtained a divorce.
He was independent for two years, until he was laid off, he says. Now he was feeling as if everything had been taken from him.
But, he still had luck on his side. It came in the form of a Facebook message that led to his employment at Kaiser.
How is the job going? According to supervisor, Ruthie Goldberg, “Tim brings an innate ability to successfully balance a strong work ethic with fun,” she said. “Tim is who he is because of his upbringing. Instead of allowing adversity to define him, [he] overcame many obstacles, learned who he wanted to be in this world, and continually strives to better himself as a person.”
Re-building his family has been a challenge; repeated attempts to reconnect with members of his biological family, have failed. However, forgiving his father, providing financial support for an aunt battling cancer, and continued communication with his adoptive sister isn’t a bad start. He is grateful that his friends and co-workers have adopted him into their families and that makes him feel that it really does and will “get better.”
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