My mother is a doctor. Well, not an MD, but a PhD. But I still think her doctorate contributes to the health of society, and furthermore to the health of families that make up our society. I have been given the gift of much of her research and papers on the subject of Parent Education throughout her career as “Dr. Jill.” In this article, I wanted to share with you her “Family Constellation Chart,” with research showing the typical characteristics of child positioning/birth order within the family, and the implications parents should take in order for the child to develop a healthy self-esteem, no matter what their birth order may be.
First Child
First children often take responsibility for other siblings, so it is important that parents avoid putting more pressure on that child to succeed. The first child gets along well with authority figures, so parents should encourage the fun of participating and not the goal of winning when it comes to playing on and for teams. First children are likely to become high achievers, so it is important that when they do make mistakes, parents teach their children that mistakes are part of the learning process. First children often have the need to feel right, perfect and superior to their parents; parents in return, need to show the child how to be gentler with themselves in the face of failure.
Only Child
The only child is used to being the center of attention so it is important for parents to provide learning opportunities with other children for their child. Only children can be unsure of self in many ways; therefore, parents should encourage visiting friends more often and have spend-the-night company to boost competence. Only children are likely to be responsible, but often refuse to cooperate if they fail to get their own way and in this situation it is encouraged that parents utilize child-care and nursery school for further discipline and outer exposure.
Second Child
The second child may try to catch up with the older child’s competence. Parents in this situation should encourage the second child’s uniqueness. And while the second child may try to be the exact opposite as the older child, it is important that no matter what, parents avoid comparing their children. Second children may rebel in order to find his or her own place, and it is important that the parent allows the second child to handle his or her conflicts with the oldest as much as possible.
Middle Child
Middle children may feel crowded out, unsure of position. They may be sensitive, bitter or revengeful. When the former two issues appear, make time for one-on-one activities and include the middle child in all family functions. The middle child is also known to be a good diplomat or mediator, and should be asked for his or her opinion to boost confidence and self-worth.
Youngest Child
The youngest children are often the most spoiled by their parents and even by their older siblings – it is important that family do not do for the youngest (especially on a regular basis) what he or she can do alone. The youngest are often kept a baby and become self-indulgent. Here parents need to refrain from rescuing the child from conflicts (thus making them the victim) and encourage them to work out their own problems; they also need to stop referring to the child as “baby.” The youngest child can often be highly creative and clever, and should be encouraged to have self-reliance to go after skills they can grow and build.
Interesting Facts
First-born children are more known to become salespeople, scientists, engineers, physicians, architects and pilots. Middle-born children are more known to become politicians, mediators and counselors. Last-born children are more known to become musicians, waiters, secretaries, or involved in language or creative arts. Only-born children are more known for becoming astronauts.
Thanks, Mom! And if I don't get to another before then, Happy Mother's Day!!!
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