Facebook: friend or foe

I am relatively new to facebook; I've had an account for three or four months. It is a netherworld filled with lingo, applications and rules that transcend ordinary society. There is a staunch myspace versus facebook rivalry (Sharks vs. Jets kind of stupid) and, admittedly, I am anti-myspace for no real reason. I've never even had a myspace account, but I am sure I would hate it because myspace people are slutty whorey whores. (I'm kidding, but I still refuse to make an account.) Facebook seems more grown up, but it's just a schoolyard with different rules and language than what I remember from sixth grade.

A Few Key Terms: (For those not on Facebook)
fb: Abbreviation for Facebook
Apps: Applications. Encompasses a wide range of things. Can be a game that is played or can also be something "sent" to another facebook person (a drink, a kiss, a poke, etc.)
Friend: Contact has been made and a friend request sent and approved, meaning they can see your status, wall, pictures, and info. (Example of vernacular usage: I have friended Bill.)
Game Friend: Friends only to raise the count of your mafia, pirate crew, etc.
To Unfriend: A former friend who has been given the kibosh, no longer friends.
Status: A typed, brief summary of how you are, what you are doing or thinking. Appears on your wall. (Mine currently says, "Hypercubes thrill me," which is a reference to a game I play on fb - Bejeweled Blitz.)
Wall: Can be viewed by you and your friends. Contains status updates, game results, apps sent or received.
Homepage: What is seen when first logged on. It is a compilation of all of your friends' newest wall updates.

I have almost five hundred fb friends. Some questions I have asked myself about them:
1. Do I know even half of these people in real life? No.
2. Do I want to? Not really, especially the mime.
3. Do all of those people speak English? No, some even use characters, versus letters, in their status updates.
4. Am I bilingual? No.
5. Are all of these friends alive? No. Sylvia Plath is alive and kicking in fb land somehow.
6. Are all of these friends humans? No. Bookstores and literary presses can be friends too.
7. Do I like all of my friends? No. Some I put up with or block their wall updates because they are game friends or haven't directly insulted me enough to unfriend them. (I'm sure that goes both ways.)
8. Have former real life friends found me and friended me? Yes.
9. Am I glad? Not always. (Again, I'm sure that goes both ways.)
10. What's the common factor of real life friends that I used to know friending me now? They're mostly religious zealots. (I don't get it either. A crusade, maybe?)
11. Have I been unfriended? Yes indeed.
12. Have I unfriended? Absolutely, with zeal.

Unfriending is a term I didn't even know existed six months ago, but one I am familiar with now. I remember my first unfriending - we dated; he unfriended me when we broke up. I was shocked. I guess you always remember your first. After that, I was unfreinded over the use of the little known term, "underpants head." That was actually a double whammy because a friend (real life and fb) and myself were simultaneously unfriended. Who knew "underpants head" was so offensive? Live and learn, folks. After those unfriendings, they blur together.

As for me unfriending others, I generally do it when I'm not dating the person anymore. See? I learned that from the guy who first did it to me - strike first, strike hard, and bring him a body bag, Johnny. I also unfriended a guy because he went off the misogyny charts with a status of, "This blond has firm and ripe melons." He wasn't farmer, nor were we dating. I just didn't care for his malarkey. I have also unfriended game friends who get creepy and infiltrate my real life happenings. One Norwegian woman began commenting on pictures of my cats (who's surprised that it's plural?). I deemed her remark of, "She looks tasty," as not only inappropriate, but crazy with a capital "W" for "what the f*ck?" Unfriended. Cat-kabob eating bitch.

Here's a video that creepily shows how us fb people will be in the future, whether we want to admit it or not. (I'm totally the one without the walker.)