We all know how important social interaction is for happiness. However, depending on our schedules, we might find ourselves cut off from other people. Telecommuting or home-based careers, for example, can have you actually going for days without seeing people. While this is not a problem for everyone, it can cause us to feel isolated and even a little unhinged.
In the past, sociologists suggested that Facebook might actually be bad for us socially. They argued that it would pull people away from traditional social settings, and could cause us all to feel more disconnected. There is no doubt that Facebook has changed the way we do things, but I believe that most of us look at it more as a way to renew old friendships and stay in touch with current ones. For some, it’s even a lifeline. If checking your wall on a work break brings you back to a balanced emotional state and helps you feel more connected, alert and focused, or just less bored or lonely, guilt must be taken out of the equation.
Yes, of course I started out on Facebook only to track (stalk, lurk…call it what you’d like) my children. They would promise to call after a surfing session, so I could relax and know they were safe—but forgetting to call me while posting a surf/wave report was more the norm. Now all I had to do was check their status updates! Poof—no more pathetic mother sitting by the phone!
There are many people whom I love (such as cousins, nieces and nephews, school friends, former co-workers) who, until Facebook, I’d only hear from when there was a significant event to report. But I enjoy knowing the other little treasures of their lives that go unnoticed when there’s a limited amount of time to spend catching up, or we see each other only at weddings and funerals. I love knowing that they’ve adopted a new pet or that I can try to send soothing words to them when they’ve lost one. I do want to know about the little procedures they have to undergo because I care. I like when a niece posts her baby’s ultrasound photos, or another niece announces that she’s just had her last radiation and she’s cancer-free. I like to vote for friends in contests. Even friends of friends. I like sending Happy Birthdays, and I even love all the kitten videos from the Huffington Post. It all may seem like boring minutia to some, but to me it’s all Marvelous Minutia.
It’s impossible to replace the brain-boosting endorphins that come from face-to-face time—that’s why Facebook works best as an amplification of a real social life, not a replacement. For example, when you get hired for that perfect job, a celebratory lunch with your best friends will make you feel great and make for a fantastic memory. But the boost you get from the Facebook friends who leave encouraging comments can also give you that boost.
When Facebook is used as an enhancer to generate social interactions and create events, well, then who can argue that it’s having the opposite effect? In the last month I’ve paid closer attention to just how much social activity is generated by Facebook. Friends have posted an open invite to all to meet for a hike, a Happy Hour, an improv show, and even a Saturday afternoon spent eating dim sum. There was a casual multi-class high school reunion a few weeks ago. It’s not unlike the open parties we loved in high school. It’s open and fluid and exciting and everyone's on the A-list!
I'd actually like to see more of this trend. It’s certainly simple to organize. And everyone knows at least the person organizing it, and is somewhat familiar with her friends, right? For some, these open invites can be life-changing. Friends of friends now have a chance to expand their social networks with real face-to-face time.
The “Big” Friendship study points to friendships and social connections being the key to help us recover from illness and trauma. The proven results are really astonishing—showing that the women without close friends were four times more likely to die from cancer than the patients who could count ten or more friends. My group of girlfriends directly impacts my well-being. I know this to be 100% true. But as I wrote in my Ax Murderer column, my online friends have helped me through some rough patches as well.
Feeling connected is a powerful anxiety-reducer and is amazing for your psyche. Maybe you've been apprehensive about Facebook because you're fearful of too much personal information being out there in cyber space. If you take a little time to look at all the personal setting options, you can be as secure as you want.
What do you think? How have your Facebook relationships helped you feel less lonely? How have they helped you feel more connected? Please share!
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