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Extremely talented and painfully handsome writer awarded award

By decree of The Most Excellent Head Examiner let it be known that on this day of all days which is the day of the fifth day of the second month of the two thousandth and fourteenth year of The Lord unless thee may perhaps follow the Jacobian calendar or the Mayan calendar or some other such nonsense in which case this year is an entirely different year than previously mentioned, that the scribe and poet, writer and author, and general practitioner of scribbles Chris Butcher is thus awarded the award of having entered many keystrokes to form a plentitude of stupidity which largely remains unread within the timeless annals of Examinerland for nigh on two whole years. For this unremarkable achievement he hath been bestowed the most vainglorious of all awards, the Two Year Anniversary Badge, which doth increase his accumulated points of favor to the uninspiring grand amount of 135, leaving him only a paltry 265,895 points behind the leader who doth so choose to tell tales of those who are rich and famous simply for being rich and famous, and offer nothing of intellectual substance to any of the corners of this flat world.

Having been forced to accept this most coveted award, Chris Butcher does so agree to the following stipulations so as to remain in good standing and good fellowship within the realms of Examinerland, lest he be removed from home and hearth to be strung up by the thumbs and severely ridiculed and possibly have rotted fruits thrown at him by young and old alike:

1) The aforementioned will swear to uphold the laws of Examinerland and continue to post worthless articles no one will want to read unless included within are pictures of half naked celebrities.

2) Articles will be written and published not sparingly as so not to incur the wrath of The Most Excellent Head Examiner.

3) In writing and publishing not sparingly, the aforementioned will not be overwhelmed with threatening mailings threatening to have all rights and monies taken away from him as a thief in the night is known to do on occassion.

As all three provisions are assumed to be agreed to, The Most Excellent Head Examiner doth now kindly order all attending (all three of you) to put your hands together then move them apart, then repeat the process of appreciation over and over again until all present are bored and once more uninterested.

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