This question is from Zoe in Oakland, CA:
I have a question for you about cops. Where do they come from? They're really different. They're the only Republicans for a one hundred mile radius. They're intimidating and then when you need them they don't show up. I dated two who were really friendly and sweet and then when our relationship blossomed they instantly vanished into thin air.
Here's my response:
They're all different but the general public wouldn't know that because they meet only the patrol officers and only for a moment. They're trained to appear intimidating. They walk and stand a certain way while they talk to people as a precaution in case somebody tries to hit them. Also, I should mention that their initial questions are scripted. For example, "What happened?" is designed to allow others to talk without putting words in their mouths.
They have frightening jobs. For example, California Highway Patrol officers pull over drivers on the freeway to give them a ticket and occasionally it turns out to be a criminal who's hiding from the police. They actually shoot the officers right there on the side of the road. City police officers have a safety advantage over CHP because they're familiar with their assigned neighborhoods and with the residents and cars there. With that said, if their neighborhood is a de facto prison colony like Treasure Island in San Francisco, or they're about to visit a location that has a bad history than they need all of the protection that they can get, and all of the bravery that they can muster.
To answer your question about their origin, they come from the military. Many were in the U.S. Marine Corps. It's a parallel universe that's different than ours. If you know a veteran who was "in" for a long time than ask him or her what it's like.
It's true that police officers tend to be politically Republican and that the San Francisco bay area is Democrat. There may be more than one explanation. Firstly, they may have been born and raised in Republican states and their careers brought them here. Also, there are native bay area residents who are Republican but they joined the military and are now overseas or in a different state, and they vote from over there.
You mentioned that you dated police officers who suddenly left you without warning or providing an explanation or even saying goodbye. I've heard that story many times which seems to indicate that it's a common occurence. My theory is that they rushed into the relationship in order to quickly decide if they wanted to be there. It's more efficient to instantly jump in with both feet to learn what they can about you in a snapshot than it would be to spend three months gradually building a relationship and getting to know you. And so, like a flash in the pan, each man instantly put himself in the center of your world and then he was gone forever. They disappeared in order to avoid a confrontation. They will never take responsibility for hurting you; your suffering is your own problem. It's chicken sh*t and you wouldn't expect that from a brave combat veteran/police officer but apparently that's how they do it. Date them at your own risk and remember that they may vanish at any moment.
It's possible that they felt pressured by you. If you were searching for The One and they weren't the marrying kind than you would have had a major conflict of interest. It's a myth that all cops want to get married or be in a long term relationship. I've met some who don't. For example, when I was twenty two years old I posted a personal ad to find a boyfriend and I received responses from three police officers who were all in their forties. Clearly they weren't thinking about getting married. Also, many years later, in 2011 there were different police officers on Match.com who were in their forties and had never been married, and one of them has three kids.