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It's time to go your own ways
It's time to go your own ways
photo by emily kirkendoll

On an average day in Kansas City, more than a handful of couples are calling it quits. Another bunch is trying to be together again for the who knows how many-ith time and yet another percentage is figuring out that it's just not going to work, no matter how many times they get back together.  We've all seen it happen in our circle of friends, our families and even in our own personal dating experiences.  It's said that the definition of insanity is repeating the same actions over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Why would the dating world be exempt from this pointed phrase? Truthfully, it is not.  Whether it's because you're lonely or because you truly love your ex, if you had a good reason to end it the best thing you can do is leave it alone.  So why do we get back into these finished relationships long after the game has been called?  One reason is that communication isn't always cut off completely.  The hardest part of breaking up is getting used to not being a part of your ex's life anymore.  From texting during your lunch break to sleeping over 4 out of the 7 days of the week, moving on is tough business. However, business can be good if you dedicate yourself to getting over "them" and getting back to you.

The "just to see how you have been" text is a dangerous maneuver when it comes to your no longer significant other.  It opens a doorway to lots of conversation about what could have been, how bad you miss each other or even worse, how great they are doing now.  It would be a bold faced lie to say that the happines of your ex in the company of someone else they've found after you've broken up doesn't spike a need to reunite.  This is exactly why it's best to delete their number from your phone to save yourself from temptation. 

Another bad break up move is to cyber-stalk them.  With the numerous networking sites online that most people have their profile on to stay connected to friends, it is almost too easy to keep tabs on what your ex is up to now.   Even though this seems like an all too obvious bad decision, even I am guilty of just "checking out their page".   Googling your ex may seem harmless and even justifiable as a coping skill to slowly ween yourself off of them.  It is although, the worst thing you can do in your recovery from this person.  Driving yourself up a wall by making sure they seem as unhappy as you on their profile page is a cry for help.  Tell your friends that you've been pouring yourself over their page and get out of your place to have some fun.  Getting over your ex shouldn't be punishment. Look at it this way. It's a fresh start.

When your ex calls you, ignore it.  Trust me, it will get easier everytime you  hit that glorious little ignore button and send them to voicemail.  You're not being mean, you're self-preserving.  If you expect to be able to date again then you can't still be in contact with your ex.  Not only could it damage a new relationship you may find but it will also close you off emotionally to possabilities.  Keeping in contact with an ex can drudge up old issues making you untrusting, fearful of getting hurt again or over anxious to "be comfortable" again.  Even though you may be able to successfully have a friendship with your ex, make sure you don't attempt this until you are completely ready.  Damaging your progress for the sake of some familiar company will set you back to square one everytime.

The friend zone is a particularly cold place where you store your ex's and that really nice co-worker you have no desire of dating.  It allows you to put a hold on your feelings and take that person for what they really are. An aquaintance.  My next point, being your ex's friend does not mean being in their business.  Look at your new "friendship" as casual and cool.  This is no longer an appropriate situation for lingering hugs, flirting or alone time.  The best thing to do for your heart is close the chapter with them as the main character.  Letting go is not only the right thing to do for yourself, but for your ex as well. It takes two for this awkward tango (that's sadly still going on long after the music has stopped) and maybe your resistance to temptation is just what the other person needs to move on too.  All it takes is a little will power, some good friends and possibly a few cosmos.