America, do your part to save the Earth from cow farts! A consensus of scientists has concluded that the Christians at Chik-fil-A have been waging war on Mother Earth. By a fraudulent advertising campaign to convince Americans to “eat mor’ chikin,” these Gaia haters are attempting to populate the planet with more greenhouse gas producing cows. Their willful denial of the genius of Democrat science will completely destroy the Earth within the next century rendering it incapable of sustaining life!
Americans are urged to eat more hamburgers, steak, and all other beef products in order to reduce the world population of cows. Our glorious President Obama has also declared that India be declared a rogue terrorist nation and global threat to humanity by their sanctification of the evil, flatulent bovines. Obama and the E.U. are discussing sanctions to apply against India for their satanic religion.
Children of the Earth, do your part! Good children should be asking their parents at every meal, “Where’s the beef?” The sooner cows are extinct, the safer we will all be. Support the slaughterhouse near you!
Help keep your planetary climate livable. Send a generous donation to our imperious leader today and urge them to raise taxes on rich Republicans to fight this global menace. Remember, only you can prevent cow farts!