Being a feminist can be exhausting. As if the sexism we confront each day here in the United States isn't frustrating enough, learning about bigger problems across the world, such as men committing so-called honor killings against female and homosexual family members in southwest Asia, the Middle East, and Latin America, militant Shabab men raping misplaced and poor women and girls in Somalia (a place where female genital mutilation is estimated at 98%, by the way), or the lack of reproductive rights around the world, including forced sterilization and abortion, is enough to make the whole situation seem hopeless. It is overwhelming, and alone we can't accomplish a magical fix, but there are small things we can do each day. Make a commitment to do one small thing each day. Some ideas:
1. Think of feminism as a personal philosophy of equality, not just for activists. Think of being a feminist similar to being a Christian. Or an environmentalist. Or a Buddhist. Or a vegetarian. If you're a feminist, it's with you every day and in everything you do, just like any other philosophy. Environmentalists aren't always lecturing, picketing, tying themselves to trees, or trying to change others, but their daily behaviors are influenced by their beliefs. And don't be embarrassed by your beliefs. If someone asks if you're a feminist, simply say, "Of course." Elaborate if they want you to. Otherwise, just go about your business.
2. Look for (and change) your own sexist behaviors. Sometimes, the most effective way to alter others' behavior is by being a good example, not by preaching. Respectful leaders, teachers, parents, and other authority figures show positivity. Make a conscious effort to show equality in all aspects of life. If you're a parent, ask yourself if you have different expectations of your children based on their sex. If you're a teacher, pay attention to how you treat boys and girls or people of different ethnicities differently. Tape record a class and listen later to how you responded to your male and female students, if you called on one sex or race more often, if your tone changed depending on who you were talking to. Keep that information in mind during the next class.
3. Support organizations you believe in. For human rights, look at Amnesty International. For women's issues and equality, look at NOW. If you're concerned about reproductive and sexual health services, join Planned Parenthood. There's also the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice. These are the big ones, but there are countless organizations with specific concerns. Do your research to make sure the organization is legit and check that most of its contributions go towards work, not overhead. It's not just about sending them money (especially if you don't have much); support also includes displaying their sticker or logo on your car, your window, on a t-shirt, or on social networks. Bookmark their websites and check often so you are always up to date on the issues.
4. Get a discussion going. Tell people about an egregious news story you heard. Post articles on Facebook or Twitter that are important to you. Be selective: make sure the articles are recent and from reliable sources. Don't flood your friends' inboxes; they will suffer mass email fatigue and probably won't read what you send. But if you see a story that you think would be specifically interesting to a certain friend, email it (with a personalized subject line and message so they know you're not spamming them). I like to put articles occasionally on the Facebook walls of people I think would be particularly interested, and then his or her friends see it, too, and can get in the discussion.
5. Call people on sexist stereotypes. It doesn't have to be a big fight or confrontation (in fact, probably better without) but don't let it slide. Say your brother tells his son that boys don't cry. Or someone else complains about women drivers. Or that women be shopping. Or that boys will be boys. Or that women are crazy. Start with a gentle, "Now, you know that's not true/fair." For repeat offenders, a stern but not angry "I do not allow that kind of talk" or "Please do not perpetuate unfair stereotypes in front of my child" gets your message across that it's not cool with you. Then drop it. (Fifteen years ago or so, one of my family members used a racial slur in front of me. I said, "That's not cool with me," calmly and respectfully, with no argument or drama, and I've never had to say it again. I'd like to think this family member also stopped doing it in front of others, too.)
6. Don't put up with sexist language. Reject silly, outdated terms like "lady cop" or "stewardess"; a gender-neutral term should be used whenever possible, such as firefighter, police officer, and flight attendant. This means I strongly object to the term "murse." This is not political correctness; rather, it's acknowledging that language inserts sex and gender where it doesn't belong. Unless there is a specific reason why a person's sex is relevant, it should be left out. Not all areas in English have caught up, for example Congressperson isn't quite a word yet and the AP still uses the words "chairman" and "chairwoman." I try to avoid using these terms by saying "member of Congress" and "chair." Otherwise, when this issue comes up, I generally broach it with humor, such as, "Did I step back in time to the 50s?" or "What police woman? You mean Angie Dickinson?"
Outdated terms are just one example of sexist language, girlishness and homosexuality as negative is a bigger, rising problem. Whenever being female or having female characteristics is used as an insult or a punchline, a message is sent to girls and women that, yes, indeed, women continue to be inferior. See more about this issue here.
7. Write a letter or send an email. Did you see/read Hillary Clinton's Human Rights Day speech on Dec. 6, 2011? Read the entire transcript or watch it here. Her speech was amazing, so I sent her a letter praising her message and courage. She spoke eloquently and strongly for gay rights. I was moved to tears. Here is an excerpt from her speech:
Today, I want to talk about the work we have left to do to protect one group of people whose human rights are still denied in too many parts of the world today. In many ways, they are an invisible minority. They are arrested, beaten, terrorized, even executed. Many are treated with contempt and violence by their fellow citizens while authorities empowered to protect them look the other way or, too often, even join in the abuse. They are denied opportunities to work and learn, driven from their homes and countries, and forced to suppress or deny who they are to protect themselves from harm. I am talking about gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people, human beings born free and given bestowed equality and dignity, who have a right to claim that, which is now one of the remaining human rights challenges of our time.
Whose work, in politics or not, do you admire? Who needs to get their acts together? Write to them. When you write to your member of Congress or other politician, be sure to stick to one topic and be respectful and brief. You might think it doesn't matter (and well, you might be right), but our reprentatives should know their constituents' concerns or positions on issues, especially before a vote, and they won't know unless we tell them. Find contact information here.
8. Blog and Tweet. Being active online is not a replacement for genuine, grassroots efforts to effect change, but being active online is good for two main purposes: sharing/gathering information and connecting with like-minded people. Your blog and tweets mean another voice online, more potential hits in Google searches, more chances for young, confused, or unsure people to find feminists and feminist answers to their questions. On Twitter, follow and interact with other feminists to learn about news, events, and ways you can help their efforts. Create your own list of feminists on Twitter or subscribe to mine.
9. Don't patronize businesses whose practices or advertising goes against your beliefs. And let them know. Don't go to Chick-Fil-A because they donate money to anti-gay groups? Sweet. Tell them. When I noticed am/pm commercials (a convenience store chain) using sexist language, I wrote about it and let them know I wouldn't be stopping there for my gum, soda, and snack needs. I haven't seen the ad in the long time (I'm not saying that my response is why, but maybe!) If enough people speak up, stuff does happen. Don't believe me? Ask Seth MacFarlane. Or Matt Groening. Or the Koch Brothers.
10. Consider becoming a mentor. Organizations like Big Brothers/Big Sisters will match you with a child or teenager who needs a positive role model, and more importantly, who wants to spend time with someone like you. I gave my Little Sister this terrific book by Jessica Valenti, but you can just hang out.
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