Erica Mena tells all in exclusive interview and in new book 'Underneath It All'

She was kind of fragile and she had a lot to grapple with but basically she kept It all inside.
Child like and effervescent with a well of pain the depth one could not imagine If they tried.
She was kind of magical and that she will be: Video vixen, urban model, singer, and “Love & Hip Hop” star Erica Mena who has released her first memoir, “Underneath It All.” You can pick up a copy now on Amazon.com for $14.36. I must say that this was a book that I could not put down, Mena took the audience on a rollercoaster ride of her life and shared intimate, raw, and vulnerable movements effortlessly. If you enjoy watching Erica on "Love & Hip Hop" you will be able to get a better understanding of some her actions, her defense mechanisms, and more from reading her book. Read an excerpt below as well as my full interview with Erica below:

Excerpt:

“I've gotten used to living behind mirrors and smoke screens, it's easier to portray an image for the world to see. When I m alone I am haunted by my truth. A girl who entered this world in a jail cell. A girl who was served struggle with a side of pain on a broken platter. A girl who was thrown into a tank with sharks deep in a world whose motto is to eat or be eaten. I can still see the dirt underneath my nails; I've fought too hard to get where I am and I don t plan on looking back. However, there s always someone waiting to knock me down because they don t think I deserve it. Well I say to hell with them. I've put in too much to allow anyone to drag me down. So either you're riding with me or against me.”

Examiner (Anthony Bowles): Where did the title come from, “Underneath It All”?

Erica Mena: “For those who don’t much about me, and all they see is the controversy that is around me, I thought the title gets straight to the point, and get down to the real me.”

Examiner (Anthony Bowles): What did you want people to take away after reading your book, “Underneath It All”?

Erica Mena: “I want people to understand where I come from…I don’t want use my past and the traumatic events as any justifications for my actions. I definitely want people to know that there is more than what they see of me on TV. Hopefully, people will understand some of my actions.”

Examiner (Anthony Bowles): Using three adjectives, how would you describe the book?

Erica Mena: “Intimate…deep…and real.”

Examiner (Anthony Bowles): In the book you talk about domestic abuse, what made you reveal that part of your past?

Erica Mena: “I didn’t really want to at first…It was also draining because the people who are close to me they will constantly defend me because they know the truth, and they would react like how I was supposed to react, so I decided let me put it out there, so now everyone can know.”

Examiner (Anthony Bowles): You detail the arrest of your mother, and describe her as a hustler is it safe to say that’s where you get your strength from?

Erica Mena: “Absolutely! Everything that she’s been through and the way she worked has definitely inspired me. Even if we didn’t really have, we never felt that growing up. She has taught me to work hard, she played such a big part in that. I even try to do that with my son now, but it’s so ironic because the same way my mom had to be away for work, I find myself in the same situation because I am a single parent. If anything that I want to pass onto King is that giving you all in terms of working hard, you have to give it everything if you want it to work out.”

Examiner (Anthony Bowles): The book is very raw and vulnerable, I remember reading on page 28, as you described how you were raped, how was it for you to write about that experience, and does it still haunt you?

Erica Mena: “It bothers me in the sense that I don’t trust anyone around my child…As I got older I hid it and didn’t talk about it, I never really healed from it until now, and now it’s such an incredible relief. I think because it was so traumatic, I’m always going to have flashbacks…The only thing I can do is find peace from what already happened, that’s all you can do.”

Examiner (Anthony Bowles): Can you describe the moment when you were reunited with your mother, and entering your new apartment in The Bronx?

Erica Mena: “As a kid, I remember being relieved…It was a new phase in my life; I was able to be a kid! I remember trying to stay in the moment and enjoy it because I never knew if I would end up back where I was. I took in everything and I was so thankful and happy that I was finally safe and that e enough for me.”

Examiner (Anthony Bowles): Prior to the book, did your best friend, Alex know that you envied her relationship with her father, only because you wanted that for yourself?

Erica Mena: “I don’t think so…I don’t think it was envious, but it was something that I didn’t have and something that I wanted. Naturally, every girl and child who is born they are supposed to have a relationship with both of their parents, and that was a natural longing that I had because I didn’t have that. I admired her relationship with her father and those moments they shared together, Alex has a great man and he treats her well and one thing that comes from having a good father figure is that you know how a man is supposed to treat a female that he loves, and because she had that example she never accepted anything less from any other man.”

Examiner (Anthony Bowles): Where is your relationship with your father today?

Erica Mena: “I honestly haven’t seen that piece of shit in a very long time…I haven’t seen him since he brought me candy, and ironically I have eight cavities (laughs), isn’t that weird?”

Examiner (Anthony Bowles): When you were diagnosed with dyslexia, how was that for you on top of getting bullied, going back, what would you change?

Erica Mena: “I probably would have stood up for myself more…I think that’s why I’m so quick to defend myself now. I remember all the times that I didn’t defend myself and how it made me feel, and I knew I never wanted to feel that way again. Knowing what I know now, I think I would have been secure with who I was, yeah, I had a learning disability and as I got older I learned that other celebrities had a learning disability, but I didn’t know any better at that time in my life.”

Examiner (Anthony Bowles): It turned from night and day after you fought Kenya, what was the important lesson that you learned from that experience?

Erica Mena: “A lot of people think that my sister was harsh for making me go back and fight her, but that moment set the tone for me not to allow people to cross me or try to get the best of me. Even though it was a physical fight, I think that’s what my sister was trying to teach me, but didn’t know the proper way of doing it. It gave me the strength that I need to survive in this business.”

Examiner (Anthony Bowles): Because of the abuse while in foster care, was it easy or difficult when you decided to lose your virginity to your boyfriend Trent at the time?

Erica Mena: “I was already violated, so I didn’t have the feelings that most girls had when they were about to lose their virginity in terms of being scared, if anything I was giving myself and I wasn’t being taken. I think that experience gave me a piece of mind that sex is comforting and not bad.”

Examiner (Anthony Bowles): “I mourned from within. My heart felt as if it were going to explode in my chest and disintegrate into ash.” How did you cope with losing Trent, your first love?

Erica Mena: “I still mourn his death, because he was the first man that I really loved. He filled all those voids…he had an old soul and was quick to put me in my place about certain things, he was very smart and I knew if I had him in my life I would be okay…so to have that person that gives you that reassurance be taken away from you, where do you for that reassurance? The way that it happened, I think we both were cheated as well as his family.”

Examiner (Anthony Bowles): Shortly after that, your mother and Brian split, which prompted you to leave home, why?

Erica Mena: “At that point everything with my family wasn’t what I used to…I knew that I wanted to be a performer and wanted to make that happen and not even for the fame, but because it was something that I loved to do genuinely…I wanted to dance, to act, and do modeling. I didn’t know which was going to come first; I just knew that I was going to do it and I was okay with that. When my mother and Brian split, I kind of lost that structure, and that’s what kind of pushed me away. I wanted to go out in the world and make something for myself."

Examiner (Anthony Bowles): The way on page 90, when you describe kissing Marie, was that the moment when you discovered you were attracted to girls?

Erica Mena: “I think the beauty of it and the art of it. I’m very much attracted to men, but I think a woman’s body is sexy, from what she’s able to do with it from giving life to whatever; it’s very appealing to me. It’s like being able to have sex with yourself (laughs) because with women I never got attached to them, so it was easy for me to get what I need and not have any attachment to it later…I sound like such a guy (laughs).”

Examiner (Anthony Bowles): In chapter 10, how hard was it for you to leave you son?

Erica Mena: “It had to be the hardest thing ever, as a mom you are giving someone the responsibility to do what you should be doing, and that alone takes a lot of guts. I feel like I lost out on certain moments, raising a child they grow up so fast, and I feel like I lost out on valuable time with him, and if his father wasn’t such a monster then things could have been different.”

Examiner (Anthony Bowles): What took you so long to reveal your side of the DJ Envy scandal?

Erica Mena: “I went above and beyond to try to cover up for him, which was stupid of me. He gave me the impression that his wife had nothing and was going to get a divorce, and once I learned that I felt horrible about it…I felt horrible that I didn’t pick up on certain things and allowed him to betray me, and I couldn’t imagine being that woman who he is ashamed of after taking a vow to be with her, it had to be embarrassing for her…as a woman, I was trying to be considerate for her and the children involved. I think that I was more considerate of them than I was for myself, and when Envy made this cowardly confession, I never spoke on it because I was trying to be loyal to someone who at the end of the day is a deceiver. Still to this day he isn’t loyal to her, when you still contact me and other females that you’ve been with that you’re just doing what you have to save your material things who you think make you who you are, at the end of the day he’s living a miserable and pathetic life and he’s a coward. You can’t do nothing but just pray for him.”

Examiner (Anthony Bowles): Where do you stand with the rest of the cast from “Love & Hip Hop”?

Erica Mena: “I don’t really deal with them as much, because I have my own world and craziness. As you see on the show, I definitely have enough that I bring to the table, so it doesn’t make sense to involve anyone else (laughs)."

Examiner (Anthony Bowles): Lastly, what can your fans expect from you?

Erica Mena: “I’m doing the book tour…I’m going to be releasing another single…I have a clothing line that I’m dropping at the end of May…I’m in talks right now of shooting another movie, after I finish this one that I’m filming right now in Toronto. I have something coming out in the Latin Film Festival later this year…it’s so much. I think what’s really important is that I keep the momentum going, because I haven’t been put in this position for no reason, and right now my goal is to make the best of it. Moving forward it’s so much to be grateful for.”

Pick up a copy of“Underneath It All.” now on Amazon.com for $14.36 and I'm sure you won't be able to put it down!