While the diamond ring has become the iconic engagement gift, (see Diamond-engagement-ring-history ) there are a number of other gifts that are customary in Jewish Orthodox circles. Some are nearly universal, while others are expected only in particular communities. For example, as mentioned in the first part of this series, most of the New York Orthodox female set would expect an engagement bracelet even before getting the ring. That is not to say that there is something inherently essential about it, only that the custom has become fairly well entrenched in many of the social circles you would encounter in Brooklyn, Monsey, Queens, and Long Island. Not knowing what is expected can lead to an unintentional faux pas. The parents, rather than the young man and woman, are usually the ones to foot the bills for all these engagement gifts, as well as nearly all the wedding expenses. Let me clarify that I am describing what is, generally, the case not prescribing what should be.
The chasson [the groom-to-be] also receives gifts. In many circles that extend even to the more modern ones, he would receive what is actually described as a chasson watch. That signifies something that costs quite a bit more than a Timex. How much people spend on these watches varies according to their income. For some a $350 watch may be considered luxurious enough for a chasson, while others will spend in the thousands. Some brides also receive jewelry quality watches among their engagement gifts. The designation of chasson is also assigned to an impressively bound set of Shas [books of the Talmud], which is usually given at some point before the wedding. A pair of chasson caliber cufflinks, which would cost at least a few hundred dollars is also expected in many circles. Obviously, though, if the groom-to-be has no intention of ever wearing a French cuffed shirt, it would be pointless to make such an investment. So it does pay to get a bit of input on this.
The more deeply rooted gifts to the chasson include a tallith (seeThe-tallith-a-gift-to-the-groom-from-the-heart), usually accompanied by a tallith bag that may be embroidered with the chasson's name. Many will also add an atara to the tallith -- an ornamental border. It is traditionally made of silver and may feature a decorative design worked in silver or squares or rectangles linked together. According to the couples' taste, it is also possible to select an atara of mother-of-pear or other materials or embroidery. The bride also usually purchases the kittel to be worn at the wedding according to Ashkenazic custom (see -Aspects-of-the-Jewish-Wedding-Evoking-Yom-Kippur
Some grooms will also receive silver ceremonial objects. They make include a silver kiddush cup -- though that is fairly likely to be one of the gifts wedding guests give the young couple -- or something associated with a holiday that falls out during the engagement. For example, if the couple is engaged over the holiday of Sukkoth, the groom-to-be may be given a silver ethrog [citron] box. If they are engaged over the winter, he may be the recipient of a silver menorah, and so on. To what extent such a gift would be expected depends on his community's standard practices.
However, in nearly all communities, the bride-to-be is given a pair of silver candlesticks. This is an item that can easily top a thousand dollars at today's silver prices, so if one is on a limited budget, the sensible thing to do is find a store that carries a number of styles in one's price range and allow the bride to select from those. The alternative is to pick it out according to price alone without allowing her to select according to her taste or running the risk of embarrassment of having the bride pick out something that is not affordable.
A somewhat more recent addition to the list of gifts paid for by the groom's parents for the bride is a wig for those who use wigs, also known as sheitels, as hair covering after marriage. That is why the acronym for what the groom's side pay for has had an s added on to FLOP, so that it now stands for flowers, liquor, orchestra, photography, and sheitel. I would guess this is due to the escalation in price of wigs and the now common expectation for a custom wig -- that costs at least a couple of thousand dollars (see the sheitel articles in kallahmagazine.com/reflections) -- when getting married. This is another item that require some tact and planning if the parents are not to suffer sticker shock as a result of allowing the bride carte blanche in her selection. One more gift that is customarily given to brides is a string of pearls, though that is usually only presented at the wedding itself as a "yichud room" gift (see http://www.examiner.com/x-18522-NY-Jewish-Bridal-Examiner~y2009m11d19-Aspects-of-the-Jewish-wedding-the-conclusion-of-chuppah--yichud).
For more on engagements, see Engagement Advice
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