Is your partner in complete denial. How can I get him/her to benefit from this, much less participate in it?
The denial is the resistance, which is very normal on the front end. So, you acknowledge that your partner's denial is part of the abuse dynamic, and you expect effective therapy to dismantle it. Currently, your partner may think you are the problem when, in fact, his/her response to you is the problem. A cornerstone of your partner's success is their taking responsibility for their own behavior.
The abused learns the subtle communication patterns of battering relationships, along with what supports and what interrupts the abuse dynamic. Their heightened awareness prevents reflexive habits of victimization. Emotional abuse and verbal abuse are components of a bigger domestic abuse picture and, in fact, are the most common forms of intimate partner abuse…relationship abuse…domestic violence.
Seek advice if you feel that you're being emotionally of physically abused.