Restless, annoyed, irritated, anxious, and occasionally angry. Distant, disconnected, disappointed, and dizzy with disgust. Total frustration. Helplessness. Emotions pulse and spin out of control, bubble, boil, and pop. The sensation rumbles inside like the earth about to shake, split, spew steamy volcanic ash, and shoot lava to the sky.
Watching movies, listening to music, reading, exercise, visiting friends, doing all the things you enjoy doing - nothing helps. Even writing to release the pain is painful.
Withdrawn, the body is plagued by listlessness and headaches. Sleep is troublesome; going to bed depressed, hoping the feeling will vanish by morning, but waking up with the same desperate feeling, wishing you could simply stop time and inject the world with the answers that seem readily apparent and sensible.
Afraid of finding goodness only to turn around and question its validity, thoughts turn around and around and around with nowhere to go but in an endless vortex.
There is no lack of feeling. If anything, there is too much feeling. There is no shortage of compassion. If anything, there is too much compassion. Compassion stopped dead in its tracks like a tornado engulfing and destroying any sense of peace and positive progress.
Compassion working against compassion. Compassion becoming exhaustion. This is compassion fatigue. A feeling talked about and described, but a feeling that can be hard to actually express.
This is not the first time this has happened. There is no magic trick to get back on track. At first you deny it, resist and fight the feelings, then they overwhelm you. Trying to let go, regain perspective and move on, you keep looking for answers to unanswerable questions.
It’s not something you can jerk right out of and immediately bounce back from; getting out is much harder than getting in. As much as you want everything to pop back into place, it is a gradual process.
An accumulation of various events and circumstances led to this emotional distress.
Crisis after crisis, the world continually drives along the precipice of a moral, ethical, and compassionate collapse. Violence is everywhere and the world is immersed in a never-ending cycle of fear, hatred, and disregard for life.
The world is filled with people who, for convenience, look the other way, compromise their conscience, beliefs, and the laws of basic reason and humanity on a daily basis. Somehow, people avoid the guilt, complacency, and complicity of outright violence and violence disguised as lawful for the benefit of humans.
Across the globe, both humans and non-human animals are not equally treated and protected. Justice for all is skewed, hypocritical, and the laws operate incongruently. The laws that govern us do not fully reflect who we are and what we believe as individuals, organized communities, and as whole nations.
Having churned ideas and thoughts ruthlessly around, the storm begins to wane. Life is chaotic and life does not necessarily make sense.
Every day presents an opportunity for a new beginning. The only immediate and possible solution is vague, yet hopeful: Keep learning, keep educating, keep adding people to the mix of compassion and turn no soul away that wants to make a difference. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. Be honest. Be mindful as you make your path along the planet.