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Eating natural

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Once a month I go to the doctor.

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Don’t read anything in to this, I don’t have a condition or an illness or anything like that. I don’t even have an appointment. I just go for the magazines to catch up on my reading. Subscriptions prices are off the charts nowadays and it’s a good way to keep informed and kill an afternoon.

So as not to cause any suspicion I sit quietly reading, occasionally coughing and every now and then I’ll a yank out a nose hair to make myself sneeze. Sometimes to make it look more realistic I walk in to the waiting room with a noticeable limp. Wearing a neck brace is another good one.

But lately I’ve found a disturbing trend in medical offices. The quality of magazines is steadily going downhill. No more Golf Digest, Field & Stream or Mad Magazine. Instead they have been replaced with Healthy Living, Cooking Lite and Men’s Health. Yuk, I could stay home and watch Rockford Files reruns and have more fun.

Anyway, what disturbs me the most is this new fascination with diets, eating healthy and food warnings. The diets range from Lo-Carb to Lo-Salt to Vegan or Scarsdale or even a High-Bacon Intake Diet. I’m sorry but the idea of ingesting a whole bunch of beans lends a distinct foul odor to my general health.

Food warnings have been around forever. Cyclamates, trans-fats fatty fat fats, you name it. And all of the food borne illness going around. Salmonella, E-Coli, cancer mad cow, the list goes on and on.

I’m scared to eat.

So I’ve decided to strip away my natural cravings for processed, synthetic and man-made foods. I’m going au natural from here on. Nothing but stars, rocks, clouds, bark and snow for me.

Here’s a sampling.

Chocolate Clouds

3 Egg Whites

⅛ Tsp. Cream of Tartar

¾ Cup Sugar

1 Tsp. Vanilla

2 Tbs.HERSHEY'S Cocoa

2 Cups HERSHEY'S SPECIAL DARK Chocolate Chips

Heat oven to 300°F. Cover cookie sheet with parchment paper or foil.. Beat egg whites and cream of tartar in large bowl at high speed of mixer until soft peaks form. Gradually add sugar and vanilla, beating well after each addition until stiff peaks hold, sugar is dissolved and mixture is glossy. Sift cocoa onto egg white mixture; gently fold just until combined. Fold in chocolate chips. Drop mixture by heaping tablespoons onto prepared cookie sheet.

Rock Candy

2 Cups Sugar

String

1 Cup Water

Put one cup of water into a small saucepan, pour 2 cups of granulated sugar into the water, heat the water and sugar on the stove over a medium heat, continue stirring until the sugar melts, keep adding sugar and stirring until it melts, stop adding sugar when you see that it will no longer dissolve in the water (that is until you see sugar lying on the bottom of the saucepan). Remove the pot from the stove, let the liquid cool until it is just warm. Pour the liquid into a clean glass jar. Tie one end of a piece of string to the pencil. Place the pencil over the top of the glass jar letting the cord fall into the liquid.

Crystals will begin to form in a few hours The next day, remove the cord from the jar, pour the sugar liquid back into the saucepan, reheat and cool it just as you did before. Pour the liquid back into the jar and reinsert the cord with the crystals into it. More crystals will form.

If you repeat this procedure every day the crystal candy will grow bigger and bigger.

When it has reached a size that pleases you, snip off any excess string and enjoy.

Snow Cones

Snow, to make 1 small Snowball Sno Cone Cups

Cherry Juice with 1 Shot Vodka Mixed in

Place snowball in paper cone, squirt with cherry/vodka juice and enjoy.

Check out the video and slideshow for even more hilarious and exciting natural foods.

Happy healthy eating everybody.

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