Skip to main content
  1. Life
  2. Relationships
  3. Relationship Advice

Dropping your relationship baggage; it's starting to get heavy

See also

Imagine this: you’re in a relationship that you adore. You and your partner are so in love and happy together, and, at this point, there isn’t a thing in the world that can soil that. That is, until your partner’s ex comes into the picture. That, my friend, is what I’d like to call baggage.

The definition of baggage, according to dictionary.com, is “things that encumber one's freedom, progress, development, or adaptability; impediments.”

So, my real and honest question here is, if baggage is something that impedes our freedom as human beings, why do we allow relationship baggage to impede on our current relationships?

Yes, being friends with your ex seems like the best way to go. Staying civil and not hating each other’s guts seems like a good way to stay away from the ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend drama, but sometimes, there is that boundary that exes like to cross.

Once the ex crosses that line, it can put a real damper on the current relationship. This is where social media comes into play – and where it can destroy a couple. If your beau is posting things on Facebook or Twitter and the ex is suddenly liking and retweeting everything, it can get very frustrating. My reasoning for this is that liking and retweeting things on your exes page is a way of being extremely passive-aggressive. It’s a way of telling the current girlfriend or boyfriend, “Hey! I’m still here, buddy. Don’t forget, he/she loved me first.” None of us want that annoying and constant reminder that our partners were in relationships before ours. I truly believe that, if your boyfriend or girlfriend is getting annoyed at the constant liking and engaging on social media, the most logical thing to do would be to delete them.

It’s common sense, people. Why do you share if you’re friends with your ex on social media? They are your ex for a reason, and if they can’t be nice to your current lover, then they really just need to be let go.

What about the exes who constantly text you? To this very day, I swear on it, my ex-boyfriend shoots me a text every so often saying something along the lines of, “Hey beautiful. I miss you, I was thinking about you today. I still love you.” Buddy, we’ve been broken up for over a year and you’re still going to text me in hopes that I’d get back together with you? You’re out of your mind.

Baggage at the start of any relationship is normal, because the ex is usually in some kind of denial that you've actually moved on and you’re not looking back. But once you've been dating for a while and your ex is still there watching your every move, you really should be concerned. There’s no reason to let an ex, whom your relationship already failed with, ruin a great current relationship.

Now, of course there’s always the great question, “What if my boyfriend/girlfriend has a kid? Then he has to keep talking to his ex.”

Wrong.

If you’re both civil and you both understand that you’re not getting back together, that’s not baggage. But if one parent still has the idea that you’re supposed to be together and causing problems for you and your current partner, than that baggage needs to be dropped.

This comes from personal experience because my fiancé has a kid. Let me tell you, the baggage that she threw on us in the beginning of our relationship was an absolute nightmare. But, after about 8 months (of solid torture) she finally realized that she couldn't come between us, even if they did have a kid.

For the longest time, I thought babies were only conceived out of love. As I grow up and learn every day, I realize that babies SHOULD be conceived out of love, but that’s not always the case. They can be conceived from an accident, from lust, or even from just pure stupidity.

So, my fiancé and the mother of his child have each other blocked on social media and they don’t talk at all unless it’s a baby matter (and those happen very rarely), so he dropped as much of that baggage as he can. Like I said, having an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend as a civil friend is acceptable, but once they start to cause problems in the relationship, the matter needs to be addressed.

Talk to your beau about it if their ex is bothering you. Even if it's just constant "likes" on Facebook, there are ways to fix those things. You should never keep anything that bothers you inside, no matter how silly you think it is.

Once an ex-boyfriend or an ex-girlfriend starts to impede on your relationship, it’s time to drop that baggage; that baggage has just gotten way too heavy. My advice, just let it go. The relationship didn't work for a reason.

Advertisement