Dr. Jim Delisle spoke to parents this week in Phoenix at the Paradise Valley School District Governing Board Room. The topic was “Parenting Precocious Kids: Understanding the ups and downs of growing up gifted.”
He spoke about the social-emotional needs of gifted children and how parents can teach their kids how to advocate for themselves. For late elementary school children that don't think they are being challenged enough or are overwhelmed by the class assignments, parents should encourage kids to speak directly to their teacher before they get involved. If the child's needs are not being addressed then the parent should start by trying to solve the problem with the classroom teacher before speaking to administration.
Many gifted kids have a dose of perfectionism. Delisle believes that it is important to help these kinds of kids to “appreciate that less than perfect is more that acceptable.” For those gifted children who may be “underachieving” or not “living up to their potential”, Delisle says that potential is a vague notion. How does one know when one's full potential has been reached? He also suggests getting rid of BUTS as in, “That's a great report card BUT...” Instead offer praise and suggestions for improvement separately to encourage high self confidence. Try asking a child what subject or part of a project he or she is most proud of instead of immediately asking about grades.
Another trait that frequently is found among gifted children is the quality of intensity. It is important for parents to recognize and understand these intensities:
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Intensity of thought: The child whose mind is always whirring.
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Intensity of soul: The child who has an old soul. May be intense about getting answers to the eternal questions.
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Intensity of spirit: The child who feels deeply for and reaches out to help others in need.
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Intensity of purpose: The child who makes up his mind to do something and won't quit until it's done.
- Intensity of emotion: This child internalizes everything and anything.
Above all, let your child know that although he may not be typical, that does not make him abnormal.
Dr. Jim Delisle is the author of 16 books including, “Parenting Gifted Kids” and “The Gifted Kids Survival Guide: a teen handbook”. He will be appearing at the Arizona Association for Gifted and Talented 38th Annual Gifted Conference that takes place February 2-3 at the Black Canyon Conference Center.
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