Two years I wrote about the danger of a dinner date, with the assumption that persists for much of Jewish dating:
Though we may have come a long way, men still are the ones who tend to select the date venue and who are expected to pay for it. These fixed role have very little to do with the reality of most marriage with usually entail both spouse contributing to household income and sharing the burden of paying the bills. But when it comes to dates, women still tend to leave the planning and paying to the men. They expend their own efforts on putting together an outfit, styling their hair and applying makeup.
The real point of the article on the dinner date was not to jump to conclusions about a man based on how much he spends on the date, especially a first date.
In a more recent article, How to gauge money habits on the first date , the suggestion is that it is perfectly acceptable to split the check, and one should not jump to the conclusion that a man who suggests doing so is cheap and should be dropped. As traditionalists expect that it is always the man's role to ask out and pay for the date, seeing if he does act to type can be a good clue into character.
What should one conclude about the choice of an expensive restaurant with a full selection of courses and wines? The article says that if the man goes all out on such a date, it's possible he can afford it, or it's possible he's someone who does not live within his means. The latter could be a very bad sign for financial stability, and holding back a bit may be a good sign as far as that goes.
Speaking of financial stability, it warns not to write off someone for using a coupon. Unfortunately for the men stuck with the check some women still would consider it tacky. That is not necessarily fair, though. After all, wouldn't you use a coupon for your groceries without thinking it diminishes your status?
One final warning about judging your date is connected to tipping. Everyone seems to think that all good people will tip generously, but there are some cultural difference about tipping that may influence your date's behavior. Or he may just have forgotten to factor that part of the cost in and can't cover it. So don't jump the gun as far as that goes either. You can solve the problem by putting your own money where your values are and offering to pick up the tip portion of the dinner.
For a different take on dating from an Orthodox Jewish dating site, see Shidduch dating tips
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