I am not fulfilling my commitment as an Examiner.
The guilt over my failure to post 3-5 times a week plagues me. I have ideas -- a whole list of post ideas, and our editors are thoughtful and helpful, and make good suggestions as well. It's not for lack of material. I am the Career and Family Examiner, and I purposed to write about all the areas where those two worlds intersect. And where don't they? I should be posting several times a day.
In fact, the scarcity of articles has a little something to do with the intersection of career and family. Before my husband lost his job, I had a couple steady freelance clients, and I worked in the evenings and on the weekends. Sometimes I could count on Nick Jr. or Playhouse Disney for a little daytime babysitting, if I was on deadline. But mostly, since February 2007, my day job was to be a stay-at-home mom.
Since the layoff, my workload has ballooned. It's wonderful, and I get great satisfaction from making significant contributions to our bank account again. (Note to clients: Keep the work coming! Thank you!) But since my husband lost his job, I've lost mine too. I'm not a stay-at-home mom anymore, I'm a work-at-the-coffee shop mom.
Cry me a river, right? I spent loads of time complaining, before, about my kids driving me nuts. Now I get to leave the house by myself every day, knowing they are with someone who loves them, yet I don't have to deal with irritating workplace politics! I'm able to make some money and use my college degree, without having to adhere to a corporate casual dress code! Plenty of people would gladly trade places with me.
But this job loss is like a tiny ding from a pebble hitting our windshield. And from that insignificant flaw creeps a handful, then dozens, then hundreds of fine cracks webbing out from the center. Loss of income is first, then loss of insurance, then the myriad other adjustments, large and small -- loss of our home, changing schools, swapping out the at-home parent, changes in our diets due to the lowered grocery budget, changes in our marriage because our roles are shifting again. Not all of these things are bad, but job loss is different for a person with dependents than it is for an unfettered single person.
So my husband is learning to be a stay-at-home dad, and I'm relearning to be a full-time writer. While we're dealing with this rather well, I think, we're off-balance and it goes without saying that we're waiting. Stand up, lean off-balance until you're about to fall, then hold that pose. Keep holding it. Keep waiting.
Ring, phone, ring.
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