Child Abuse or domestic violence can happen to anyone, no matter what age, sex, race, or religious orientation. Whether the child is witnessing domestic violence in the home or being abused, the effects of either are very traumatic for children. It often causes significant emotional, physical, and learning problems. Each child reacts very differently to the events and a good evaluation is crucial to determine how the child interprets violence witnessed in the home or being abused. Either way, both have long-lasting repercussions.
A number of factors affect how a child perceives abuse or domestic violence. First and foremost, is the extent of the violence or abuse and the duration that it occurred or was witnessed by a child. Also of importance is whether the child was abused or a witness to violence by his/herself or if the abuse or violence in the home was shared by his/her sibling/s. If the child has witnessed violence in the home of family members or significant others in addition to being abused, this will increase their feelings of not reporting the event due to feelings of powerlessness to change their current situation.
Parental or family support is of absolute importance in the recovery process. If family is reassuring and presents therapy in a positive way, the child will be less scared and more apt to want to participate in the therapy process.
Working with children in therapy, the therapist will have several goals for the treatment process.
1.) The therapist will convey to your child that they are NOT to blame for what happened to them, no matter what they have been told by the perpetrator or parents.
2.) Let the child know that they are the SAME person and they are not “unclean” or “dirty” in any way. This is very common in children who have been sexually abused.
3.) Encourage talking about the abuse or violence in the home and work through the child’s feelings of anger, depression, guilt, and any acting out behaviors that they are exhibiting.
4.) Letting them know that they are a “good person” and they are not alone in their feelings. There is nothing worse than feeling that you are the only one dealing with a problem. Isolation is terrible.
5.) Teaching the child about what abuse is and talking about prevention of abuse in the future. The therapist tries to work through that “victim for life” mentality.
6.) Lastly, teaching them coping mechanisms for the future. In other words, teaching the child how to deal with symptoms of PTSD. Often seen in children who have been abused are nightmares, bedwetting, social withdrawal, avoidance, and constant thoughts of the abuse. In addition, children that have witnessed domestic violence for a long time are often very angry or extremely quiet and withdrawn depending on how the child internalizes the events.
Domestic violence and abuse are used for only one purpose in any relationship and that is to gain control over a person. Unfortunately, abusers use fear, guilt, and intimidation in order to keep their spouse or their children under their control. Working through these feelings of guilt, shame, fear, and anger in therapy is of uttermost importance. We do not want to leave children with the lasting impression that no one is to be trusted and the expectation that everyone is going to hurt them. Otherwise, the abuse affects all of a child’s relationships in the future. There are a number of resources available for families such as domestic violence shelters, calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline, and the Family Violence Prevention Fund.
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