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Doin’ the turkey trot with bacon

Turkey.  It's not just for cookin' anymore.
Turkey. It's not just for cookin' anymore.
internet/Rus Pishnery

There are many contradictory catch all's when it comes to food that have no rhyme or reason to them. Jumbo shrimp, Krispy Kreme or how about a Big Sip? There are more, but none of them make any sense to me.

Doin’ the turkey trot with bacon
internet/Rus Pishnery

But my biggest phobia with these misnomers is Turkey Bacon. Not turkey hot dogs, or turkey tofu but Turkey Bacon. If you have read my columns in the past, and I’m sure that tens of you have, then you know I love my bacon. I put it on everything and in my mind, if it’s not made out of pork belly, then it just ain’t bacon. I don’t need to look on the package ingredients and see things like turkey, bacon flavor, autolyzed yeast or sodium erythorbate. That recipe just isn’t bringing home the bacon. I need bona fide heart disease, artery hardening real bacon. They say that Turkey Bacon is much like sexual self-gratification. It’s good, but you can’t beat the real thing.

So I’m sticking with the pig. It’s who I came in with and we’re dancing together all night. But you don’t have to just have your slices lying next to scrambled eggs or on a burger or a BLT. Try a few different things that may blow your mind.

This one’s a reprint I did a while back that epitomizes the love for bacon, hot dogs and ground chuck all wrapped in between a bun. I give you the…

Bacon Turtle Burger

4 Oz. Lean Ground Chuck

1 Pkg. All-Beef Hot Dogs, not Turkey Dogs

1 Pkg. Quality Bacon

Cheddar Cheese

1 egg

Spices, I use Cavender’s Freshly Ground Black Pepper

Start by weaving the bacon like a basket. Cut some of the fat off the outside of the bacon to make it straight.

Mix the ground meat, spices and egg white. The egg white is used to help hold things together.

Make a meat patty, put it on the weave. Place cheese slice on the patty

Place another cheddar cheese slice on the patty.

Fold the bacon weave over it.

Make 3 cuts in the "feet" hot dogs and one cross wise cut in the "head" hot dog (so it will look like a mouth opening). Carve out a conical tail as well.

Make holes in the bacon weave, poke hot dogs into the body embedding them into meat by about 1". Use extra bacon to cover the gap and bring stray ends of bacon into the weave.

Use a spatula to get it onto the pan.

Put toothpicks (that have been soaking in water) into the body to secure the hot dogs and keep the bacon ends secure.

Bake 45 minutes at 400 degrees. Cooking time depends from oven to oven so poke the turtle and when the juices aren't red anymore it is well done!

As if my taste for bacon hasn’t gone far enough, I also dig chocolate. Hmmm. Bacon? Chocolate? Let’s give it a go.

Chocolate Covered Bacon Lollipop

1 Cup Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips

2 Tbs. Crisco

1 Tbs. Heavy Cream

1 Cup Pecan Pieces

Wooden Skewers (soaked)

12 Strips Thick Bacon

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Thread the bacon on the soaked skewers, bake for 25 minutes until bacon is crisp.

Melt the chocolate morsels and add Crisco and cream. Stir well.

Brush the chocolate on the bacon skewers until coated and sprinkle with pecans. Turn and repeat the skewers.

Refrigerate until they harden.

I don’t mind turning in to a butterball when I’m eating real pork belly. I do mind when my bacon comes in a package that actually says “Butterball” on it.

Check out the slideshow for some more exciting bacon tips.

Don’t be a turkey everybody.

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