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Does privacy exist in a relationship?

privacy on gold door
privacy on gold door (by rpongsaj)

You’re out on a date at one of the hottest lounge spots in Atlanta, Luckie’s Lounge. The easy-going vibe permits subtle, casual conversation. In the middle of your conversation, your date receives a phone call. You both are conversing well, having dirty martinis and again, interrupted by another phone call. You both have been dating for approximately a year and your relationship is blossoming, but the late night phone calls are annoying. So what do you do?

Regardless of how cliché this scenario may sound, how many relationships have encountered a situation such as this? When interviewing a young woman, she rolled her eyes in disgust to this very same scenario—indicating she has experienced the late night phone calls from her mates home girl. She expressed in detail, “I have no secrets. He can look through my phone. He doesn’t have to ask me to ask my male friends not to call at inappropriate hours. I’ve already done that. Is it me; am I overreacting?”

She has a point—a very valid point, but her expectations of him just knowing to do so without her specifically addressing the issue can cause some problems and admittedly, has caused some problems. She admitted that she snatched his phone and began to investigate during this incident. Now, this may be considered as overreacting. This is where the tables have turned. Now she has created a different scenario—distrust and invasion of privacy. It is no longer about the phone call, it’s about her distrust and actions which indicated distrust. What benefits do snatching his phone and proceeding to investigate who is calling have—none. What does it yield—distrust. Doing this once can turn into doing it twice and before you know it, a habit has formed. Don’t put yourself in the position to create illusions of deceit and secrecy. Here’s your chance to put things into perspective—seize it.

Women have a tendency to feel as if when they have committed themselves completely to someone that there are no secrets—this includes cell phones. Everything becomes an open book and they expose themselves to their mate. What women are truly exposing is their emotions. The vulnerability of loving someone can turn into the fear of loving someone.

Men still want to feel as if they have something they can call their own after they make the conscious decision to share their lives with their mate. And their phone, which many people would categorize as personal property, is the one thing they don’t have to share. Women see it as being secretive, and men simply see it as the one thing they own. So do you agree to disagree? More than anything, agree that it’s inappropriate for your friends of the opposite sex to call after a particular hour. Take into consideration that your mate considers it disrespectful. And don’t just expect your mate to know anything. Talk it out. The willingness to oblige is there; after all, building a fruitful relationship depends on the foundation of communication.

And does privacy exist in a relationship—ask your mate.


  • Sandy 5 years ago

    Yes, there is a certain degree of privacy that does exist in a relationship. Consideration on both parts is very important. It does seem pretty silly to be jealous of a phone. I don't think I ever even thought of looking into my husbands phone for anything or answering it, if it rang and he was busy, I took it to him. I considered my phone, mine and his phone, his. I had infinite trust of myself and him in our relationship. No matter how many times the phone rang, if we were together, he either didn't answer or he did and said to the person on the phone, "Can I call you back another time". Trust is instilled by both parties.

  • o 5 years ago

    cute...confusing read...a no there shouldnt be privacy but there will be.

  • Mel 5 years ago

    Very valid points made--the infamous "phone fiasco" is definitely a common problem in this day and age and it does require trust and communication with both parties involved. Some people don't take the time to have that talk when they first start out and it leads to the "snatch the phone out your hand" scenario, just like you said! Readers, listen to the little lady--talk to your mate!! :)

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