Dear Annie, The men I meet online often send emails about themselves—and nothing else! Please tell them that if they want women to reply, they should ask questions and write about things both of us have in common. Ingrid
Dear Ingrid, That's a great point. Online dating emails should be positive, brief and chatty. Refer to topics in the other person’s profile and use humor.
But, I have a question for you: When you think of what you require in a mate, is being able to write a great email to someone on an internet dating site so important that you would reject a man if that is not one of his skills? Don’t interpret it to mean he’s not smart or that he’s socially awkward. All it tells you is that he’s not good at writing a stellar email to a total stranger.
You can choose how to handle less desirable email suitors depending on your options. If your inbox is flooded with emails from suitors who meet your criteria and who know how to write a great email, it doesn’t cost you anything if you ignore poor correspondents. But if you’re not meeting many people, disregarding someone just because he’s not as savvy an online dater as you could be folly.
Make the effort to return a couple of emails, then move to talking on the phone. After you speak, you’ll be in a better position to gauge his smarts and social skills.
And, if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, remember that most men who are great daters are not great partner material. By giving a less polished man a second chance, you may discover a diamond in the rough.
This weekend: Meet new people in person this Saturday night: Bay Area Boomers’ party at Angelica's Bistro in Redwood City.
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All of Annie Gleason's San Francisco Dating Examiner articles © 2010 by Annie Gleason -- reposts permitted with copyright notice and link to original article. All other rights reserved.
Comments
Annie, if a man has great partner potential, it seems like he would also be a great dater. He would keep himself in good shape, dress neatly, be sociable, stay out of debt, have good ethics (including good sexual ethics), and write good emails. They don't have to be witty or profound, but it doesn't take much for a man to ask a woman about her hobbies and avoid focusing all on himself.
I get tired of advice columnists who always tell women to "give him a chance." I would rather have them show men how to write a good email message.
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